Saturday, January 20, 2018

Monster Crap February Induction Poll

Ah....hear that? Of course you can't, but I can. Those are the screams and yelling of a man who has to watch the worst movie he saw last year. I thank you all for this joyous music that I am hearing with that loser dealing with his own futility in having to watch bad movies. And while he is sick too so it gets even better as he screams and then has to cough. I nearly cough up a lung laughing at this predicament and to continue his torture.

Since next is the month of February and Valentine's Day is the holiday of love, I've decide what monster symbolizes romance like vampires. So let's begin the first (and maybe only if I decide on something better) Vampuary. So here are ten crappy vampire films that this bastard has in his itinerary that need to go. 


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Return To Salem's Lot (1987)
Can I Not Do It, But Say I Did???

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From Dusk Till Dawn 2: Texas Blood Money (1999)
More Like Crap Money.....Am I Right????

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Bloodsuckers (aka Vampire Wars: Battle For The Universe) (2005)
Vampires In Space...This Never Ends Well

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Lost Boys: The Tribe (2008)
This Sequel Should Have Stayed Lost From The Series

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Dracula 2000 (2000)
A Younger Leonidas As Dracula........Oh Dear God

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The Forsaken (2001)
The Night....Has A Bowel Problem

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Shadow Zone: The Undead Express (1996)
Next Stop...The Toilet

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The League of Extraordinary Gentleman (2003)
There Is A Reason Sir Connery Decided Retirement Was A Better Option Than To Continue After This Film, It Isn't  Because He Could Never Top It. 

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Samson vs. The Vampire Women (1962)
Vampires Greatest Threat Is Luchadors, Really???

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Mama Dracula (1980)
I Think I Should Get A Emancipation From This Film

Voting ends January 27 at 12 am



Monday, January 15, 2018

My 25 Worst Movies of 2017

I guess this will be the second to last time I mention this, but I seriously HATED 2017 in films. My god there was so much crap I had to go through to find the rare treasures and I'm going to tell you this right now, the worst movies were mostly direct to DVD or streamed on Netflix or VOD. As I type this, I am going to have to go through not only the films not on this list because I haven't seen them, but this rare occasion is one I have to go through a list of films that I have seen that did suck, but they didn't suck enough (can't believe I am saying that). So first let's start with the bad films I did not see (mostly due to my refusal to see them).

* Baywatch
* CHIPs
* Daddy's Home 2
* Fifty Shades Darker
* Fist Fight
* Flatliners (despite nominating it, I hadnt seen it myself)
* Geostorm
* Justice League
* Kidnap
* Leatherface
* Suburbicon
* The Book of Henry
* The House
* The Mountain Between Us
* The Snowman
* The Space Between Us
* Transformers: The Last Knight
* Valarian and the City of a Thousand Planets

Look, I saw 145 films that came out in the US in 2017, give me a break. Now in a rare instance of how bad this year is, let's talk about the shit I have seen that didn't make the list or even dishonorable mentions.

* Amityville: The Awakening
* Death Note
* Ghost In The Shell
* Phoenix Forgotten
* Rings
* Rock Dog
* Surf's Up 2: WaveMania
* The Dark Tower
* The Shack

Now it's time to highlight the 5 dishonorable mentions that barely missed out on the 25 Worst (in alphabetical order)

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Ghost House

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Monster Trucks

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Singularity

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Temple

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The Crucifixion


And with that said, here are the 25 films I couldn't stand in 2017.

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25. Spark: A Space Tail
You would a film that had the acting talents of Jessica Biel, Susan Sarandon, Patrick Stewart, and Hilary Swank as voices would be good. You would be wrong as our main character is voiced by a guy who is known for a Nickolodeon show called Henry Danger (while watching over my nephews, I caught an episode or 2 and it sucks). And they make him to be as annoying as possible. But we also get a terrible villain in Zhong who is his uncle. Oh and there is a space kraken that looks more like a whale and it's pee (not specific by look at where it comes out of) creates a black hole that can destroy part or a whole planet. And Zhong wants to use this to you guessed it, rule the world. With some strange animation and some bad acting, this movie is definitely one that I would avoid. 

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24. Don't Hang Up
A horror film where everyone is a complete asshole. We have our main characters who are pranking assholes who don't realize until the end that one of their pranks (where they pretend to be cops talking about a runaway killer) causes the death of a mother and daughter (if you haven't figured out, the killer is the dead mother's husband). Instead of just killing the two kids, he plays a cat and mouse game via a phone which involves kidnapping one of the guy's parents, a random guy who our two main characters are dicks, and the other guy's girlfriend. This is so complicated and all it does is make all our characters even bigger assholes. The only character we feel sorry for is that mother who was pranked into accidentally kills her daughter and then herself in grief (oh and that small role as the pranked mother is played by the only actress I have heard of in Sienna Guillory who was Jill Valentine in Resident Evil: Apocalypse and Resident Evil: Retribution). I wish we got the apocalypse in this film instead. 

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23. Alien: Covenant
This is a film that showed the world that Ridley Scott suffers from George Lucas Syndrome where he does prequels that completely fuck over the original film. Remember all the mystery behind the Xenomorphs creation and only hinting that the Engineer's might have had something to do with it. Nope........it is all Prometheus' android David's creation. He basically caused all the black goo and created the Xenomorphs as well as killed the Engineers race (all of them). If I could steal a line from Spoony....BETRAYAL!!!! Also we get random stupid shit like Xenomorph vision. Then we get bad CGI for the Xenomorphs and the actors are all forgettable and moronic, including James Franco (although considering his current situation, that may have been a good thing). This film sequel baits for us, but because this movie bombed badly, it will not happen as the franchise has been taken away from Ridley Scott. 

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22. The Elf
This is a movie where there is a killer Elf on a Shelf and as amazing an idea that is for entertainment (at least for stupid enjoyment), this movie takes that idea and makes it extremely boring. Our main character inherits an old toy store and comes to his hometown with his fiancee. Of course his fiancee invites her whole family and they are all assholes who hate our main character because of his past in that he witnessed a horrible murder. I struggle to remember what happened in this film as it went in one ear and out the other. Justin Oberholtzer of Freakin Awesome Network also saw the film and we basically had a chat about how bad this movie is and the only saving grace is it wasn't the worst film we have seen. And also this was distributed by Uncork'd Entertainment, who you will see that name responsible for a lot of the worst films this year. I would have rather watched the Elves movie that was about Nazi Elves and starred Grizzly Adams. Yeah, that would have made for a more entertaining watch.

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21. Gremlin
Another film from Uncork'd Entertainment, it's a horror movie that has a title to be confused with a better movie with this time being Gremlin (this time taking from Gremlins, but taking out the s so it is different). This time a family is given a box (Lamet Configuartion rip-off) that must be given to someone you love. Or else a CGI Gremlin comes out and kills people. Also this CGI gremlin can do whatever the film wants to do at that exact moment. Other than that, this film is like The Elf in that you will have hard time remembering what the hell happens. I will mention that I had to watch Gremlins and Gremlins 2 just to clean my palette from this film. Actually, I should also mention that the main character is a cheating asshole who we are supposed to care for. Let's move on and let's forget about this film as I am sure Uncork'd likes to forget that the distributed all the crap they do.


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20. The Emoji Movie
This was what we feared The Lego Movie might be in being just a film to try and sell you crap. But while The Lego Movie had good directors who understood that they need to make a great movie first, The Emoji Movie did not and just decided we need to know what the Emojis are and what random apps like Just Dance are. This film would rather have us believe that people just text each other everywhere (even in a classroom) where I know that shit would get taken away by the teacher if you are as open with your texting as all of these human characters. And unlike The Lego Movie, the human characters that we go into at random times...are also animated. This is just a soulless corporate schill of a product that just has no heart in it's idea whatsoever. 

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19. Monster Island
You know, I really wasn't expecting much of this movie and after seeing a movie later on this list, I wasn't expecting bad either. Unfortunately, we get a film that is bad. Basically, we have a kid who is overprotected who finds out that he and his dad are monsters in hiding. He basically goes into a monster island where monsters live and just like Spark: A Space Tail....the uncle is also the bad guy who is a human who is trying to find his monster form via some strange concoction that he has to kidnap other monsters for. This is has bad animation and plenty of padding that makes me wonder what they were thinking in making this film. Not even the monster designs are that creative. 

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18. Deep
The worst animated film for me of 2017. This surprisingly post-apocalyptic tale suffers from one thing that hurts from beginning to end and that is the lead character Deep. Not only does our main character cause the problem that he and his friends have to rescue everyone else from, but throughout the journey, he is just a douche who thinks all about himself. It gets so bad with him that you can understand why one of his friends betrays the group to the very weak bad guys. Then you also have padding from a a yeti crab dance off with the shrimp that is one of the friends of the main character, you get said shrimp getting out of her shell but acting like she is naked so she makes others look away, and a vampire squid who loves to sing and sings at the Titanic. If what I am explaining is bad, trust me that it is worse. 

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17. Taking Earth
Bad effects and even worse acting........the only reason this isn't higher is that well, it's horribleness started making me laugh so it maybe one of those "so bad, it's good" films. This is a film where everyone in this film has only done this film and nothing else in life except one notable exception and that is Brad Richards. Now, you might have heard of that name if you are a sports fan and the reason for that is he is a former star hockey player. He plays a bad guy alien who turns good at the end. The story is aliens have taken over the world and now it is time for humanity to  fight back to help with the special who has the power to beat the aliens. Unfortunately the comedy of how bad this is does not escape the fact that the film pads itself out a lot so it is on this list.

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16. The Mummy
Oh boy, Universal decided here that we need to plan a Dark Universe more than a movie being good. Where do I even begin with this one? We got a female evil mummy (who was somehow buried in Iraq) who wants to use Tom Cruise's character to bring back the god of death Set. Let me say this as someone who based his first name of myself (alias) based off this god. SET IS NOT THE GOD OF DEATH!!!! In fact, he doesn't have much to do with the so-called underworld and instead deals with deserts and storms and a lot of things evil. Now, back to the film, we have a Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde in Russell Crowe that we may want to have rather followed instead of this whole Mummy storyline. I'm also going to mention that the effects, the plot, and the acting from everyone else (except the chick who actually is the mummy and attractive). Thankfully though, we will not be getting any more films in this series as the film bombed so badly that the producers had to abandoned the project for now. Also, this film did give us an awesome video game in The Mummy Demastered. 

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15. Here Alone
A woman is on a deserted island to avoid a plague that has caused people to be infected zombies, although it is airborne so I do wonder if there is a point. It sounds like a good idea for an interesting film, but oh lord does it fail in the second half, especially with the daughter wanting to be the only woman for her step-dad (different family from our lead character since her family died). Oh and that daughter who wants the step-dad to herself and tries to get our lead killed....she survives and the step-dad doesn't. This is definitely a film where the whole experience is ruined by a bad ending. I wish I actually liked this film, but I didn't in the end. 

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14. The Bye Bye Man
Here we go with this film. This is just a mess from beginning to end and the bad guy being called The Bye Bye Man only works as a comedy if you basically do a riff where every time he appears, you say "Bye Bye, Man" in your silliest voice. Man, Doug Jones is glad Guillermo Del Toro wanted him to be the fish man in The Shape of Water as this would have been his biggest film of the year as the horror known as the Bye Bye Man. The whole idea of "not saying it or thinking it" from the shelf they find the etching on is immediately ruined when his name is immediately said. Oh and apparently you can't stop thinking about him (not because his name is stupid). You say his name once to someone and they think about him even though that is really not how that works. Oh and somehow they were able to rope Faye Dunaway into this mess for a appearance that makes you go, "How did they get Faye Dunaway in this film?"

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13. Dead Awake
There are several films that dealt with sleep paralysis as a horror for some reason and honestly, it would be a scary thing for something to be killing you yet you are unable to do anything about it, however every one of these films somehow just sucked. This was sadly the worst of them that dealt with a demon lady who strangles you while you are in this sleep paralysis state. And the whole crap where the supposed doctor keeps coming up with bullshit that explains how these people died just takes you out of it. Oh and that asshole doctor is played by Lori Petty. It's really sad as our lead actress Jocelin Donahue was in the really good film The House of the Devil, but she sadly has not done well since then. 


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12. Alien: Reign of Man
This and the next film are both Sci-Fi films with Alien in the title and distributed by that much maligned Uncork'ed Entertainment. Now for differences. It definitely is a bad sign when your main star is a producer who also goes by one name (in Khu). Also you get a terribly CGI monster and a plot that I sadly got lost in halfway through the films. Also does not help when two characters and act look similar. There really isn't much to say otherwise about this complete borefest, but it at least doesn't create some bullshit third act which comes out of nowhere that they try to use as a twist. So I guess that is why this film is not the worst of the two. 

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11. Alien Arrival
Originally called Arrowhead, this film was probably given this title to try and capitalize on the Academy Award winning film Arrival. But unlike this film, this has terrible actors and like Alien: Reign of Man is extremely boring and nonsensical. But unlike Alien: Reign of Man....this one decided on a third act twist that our main character is revealed to transform into an alien himself thanks to an alien attack from earlier. And man did this have an actual chance unlike Alien: Reign of Man to be good with our main character being who was a prisoner and was convinced to join a rebellion against a guy he didn't like to save his own father. But they wasted that great idea. '

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10. Dark Night
This is a film based on 2002 Aurora Theater shootings, but to not get sued by someone, every name is basically changed and it follows 6 strangers who were victims of this theater shooting. But what kills this film is that it is so....boring. I wanted so much better for this film, but it sadly fails. Sadly, what the director wanted was a more art house style of film, but with this story, you really do not need that idea. In the end, you are just left with a power point presentation of the lives of these 6 strangers since there is very little dialogue. Look, I normally don't like art house films that try to hard, but even most of those films have characters that aren't paper thin. 

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9. Tall Men
This extremely boring film has an extremely mousy guy who gets a strange credit card and gets in over his head with the mysterious card makers. Although here's a few problems, they gave this card to a guy who had had plenty of times he has had to go bankrupt to avoid paying credit cards multiple times and at this point, you are already reminded of certain people who did this just to avoid paying the deserved fee he amassed. And the tall men, they only appear in the second half and while they may be scary, you are at the point where you don't care and just want this film to end, but it won't because of this film's biggest sin: a run time of 2 hours and 13 minutes. Seriously, this is a low budget movie........you do not get to waste my time with a 2 hour film. There is so much crap that can be completely cut and it would not be missed. With most direct to DVD garbage, I can at least say it was short and here comes this film wanting to be 2 hours and extra. 

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8. The Institute
James Franco is lucky that the Disaster Artist is a good film as his other 2017 directorial film was this pile of garbage.film that has a unique idea of basing this on the horrible events that happened at the Rosewood Institute that basically turned people who just needed the help of trained professionals were turned into slaves via brainwashing. But unfortunately it is wasted so the patients could do random plays. While you want to see more of the horrifying experiments that this place caused, you instead get people to play Shakespeare until our main heroine kills these bad guys by tricking them in these plays and gasp....going off script. I can not truly explain how bad of a waste of time this film is, you would just need to see it yourself....but I recommend you not. 

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7. American Fable
This film deals with a little girl whose family is convinced to help in a ransom scheme of a man who buy their farm. She knows where this guy is being held and has to decide between doing the right thing in setting him free or helping her family. Yeah, this seems like a good idea, but it is ruined by an evil brother who is so cartoonishly evil that he becomes annoying and frustrating to deal with and the family being mad at the little girl over this bastard is just what the hell? It also becomes insane that this kidnapped man can grant wishes somehow and this so much tries to be a fairy tale, but it fails to be that in the end. 

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6. Bright
I saw this film getting promoted like hell by Netflix and hey, the idea of a buddy cop film with a guy and an orc in a world where fairy tale characters do exist. Then it has this really good opening credits sequence with the great spray-painted buildings setting you up to what looks like a good film and then it falls apart with so much forcing of themes like "racism is bad" to the point it feels like a damn hammer. And then it has stuff that is not focused on like a centaur cop (a blink and you miss it moment) and stuff you can't take seriously like the weapon that may destroy us all as well as grant our total desires called a magic wand. The only credit I can give to most of this film is "well...they tried". Also the making of Will Smith's asshole character as the special is bad and when the line "Fairy lives don't matter here" is uttered, you just facepalm as it's such a dumb line. 

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5. Wish Upon
This is the worst film that made it to theaters on a wide release that I saw this year. Our main character is such an unlikable bitch. Our first problem with this character comes when the bully comes up and says what does Smegma mean which she supposedly said behind her back, and instead of denying she said it, she goes right up to the bully and goes into explicit detail about what she did say behind her back and she did it all with a shit eating smile. It gets worse when she receives the wish box that her father finds in a dump and makes a wish, then immediately has her dog get eaten alive by rats. This would be fine if she never realized that the wishes come with the price of someone close to her dying in an awful way, but she does find this out.........and still makes wishes without a care. For some reason, I am supposed to feel sorry for her, but instead I only feel sorry for her dad (played by Ryan Phillipe) who is a dumpster scourer who misses his wife (she died) and has to deal with this horrible bitch and her awful decisions. We do get a good ending of the bitch getting killed though. 

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4. The Snare
This was sadly my first most hated film as this deals with three jackasses going to a high rise building that one of their fathers just bought and the elevator to the third floor which they go to stops working (for some reason, there are no stairs in this building. I'm not kidding.) Basically a supernatural force is causing them to be stuck on the third floor with the cellphone reception dying out and the AC also dies. So because of this, the whole film looks dirty and sweaty. But that wouldn't make for one of the worst films or the fact that it is boring, that would be the rape scene that comes out of fucking nowhere with the one guy on his girlfriend. Now you may be wondering what I mean by that as all rape is pointless in real life, I mean this guy wakes up and sees his girlfriend sleeping and immediately decides "I'm gonna tie her up and gag her so I can rape her". It gets even worse when the other woman tries to break it up and he decides that he must tie her up and rape her too. This is the only film that made me have to take a shower after watching it.

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3. Mindgamers
When I had talk about this film in the GINO Award nomination, I did not have much memory of this film. All I remembered is it was a mess in a way that somehow had Sam Neill in it. Then I rewatched the trailer and all those memories of its horribleness came back to me. This is a film that talks about what happens when technology goes awry or I guess that is what it wanted to say in its insane rambling that is mixed with a cyberpunk, religious, dance-based insanity that left me with more questions than answers. In fact, I feel like I should just use the Billy Madison clip where the game show host talks down to the lead about how wrong he was with his answer, but I won't do that. Seriously, how Sam Neill got caught up in this crap will continue to bug me just like how Alec Baldwin and Danny Glover got caught up in Andron: The Black Labyrinth. 

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2. The Veil
Not to be confused with the 2016 film that had Jessica Alba and Thomas Jane, this film deals with a medieval story with magic.....that somehow is in a planet that isn't Earth. Now I have to mention this whole Sci-Fi bit because if you take it out, you will not notice. Other than that, there really isnt much to say other than this film is the most boring film I saw this year. I think I had to watch this twice because I fell asleep in the middle of the film (and worse, I don't even remember where I fell asleep at so I had to watch most of it.........again). Almost everyone on IMDB reviews section is right that this film is a complete waste of time. But at least the good news is by next year, I will have forgotten this film will exist (having issues remembering it now) unlike the film that is #1. 

And now for #1.....and oh dear lord, I need to breath before I begin with this one.

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1. Jurassic School
I am rarely this angry with a kids film because most of them are harmless time that your kid can just watch so they shut up. But THIS.....is more harmful in its ideas. This is the worst kids film I have ever EVER seen (worse than Oogieloves). The acting, CGI, and plot are so horrible, but that isn't the worst part. Remember when I talked about the robotic toy dinosaur that poops donuts? Well, that is seriously the best part and the bit that I can say the most about. But then there is shit like a mother who loves her fucking prize winning fern more than her own kid, a teacher who may be dumber than the fucking kids, a government agent from the office of laboratory animal welfare arresting our main bad guy partly because of embezzling, and in the worst part.....a dinosaur nearly dies from lack of oxygen...in a forest and it wasn't being strangled in any way. Now think about that for a minute, you are in a forest, a forest has a bunch of trees, trees are plants, and plants create...oxygen. That is the most stupid thing I have ever heard. This is sadly from The Asylum who has given me lots of entertainment with Sharknado and other films so it extremely pisses me off that they are responsible for this film.

And now for the first time ever.....my worst film I have seen this year won the GINO Award (by a landslide) so that will be the film inducted and since Netflix only streams the film and does not have a rental DVD copy of this so guess who had to had to buy the damn movie?

You Don't Know How Angry I Am About This.



Saturday, January 13, 2018

Impact Implosion 1/11 - The Second Impact Wrestling of 2018

There will be no show next week since next week is my birthday and I would rather be doing stuff I enjoy over watching Impact. Especially after this week's boring show. This show was basically just a whole show to set up next week so you can completely skip this Impact and miss nothing. 

Click Here To Listen

Wednesday, January 10, 2018

My Top 25 Favorite Movies of 2017

Well, it is time for me to reveal the 25 Favorite films of 2017 and while I did say this year sucked, there was still plenty of good films to make such a list. If you are looking for these films or wondering why they aren't on the list, I haven't seen them yet.

* All The Money In The World
* Battle of the Sexes
* Call Me By Your Name
* Darkest Hour
* Downsizing
* Ferdinand
* I, Tonya
* Ladybird
* Loving Vincent
* Molly's Game
* Mudbound
* Phantom Thread
* Roman J. Israel Esq.
* The Breadwinner
* The Florida Project
* The Greatest Showman
* The Leisure Seeker
* The Post
* Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri
* Victoria & Abdul

So with that said (and to mention that The Shape of the Water will not be the list because I felt kinda icky leaving it), here are the honorable mentions.

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1922

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Free Fire

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Spider-Man: Homecoming

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The Girl With All The Gifts

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The Lego Batman Movie

Now let's begin this countdown.

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25. Sleight
This was a different Superhero movie than what we normally see as it is not based on a comic book whatsoever and it deals with an urban guy with self-made superpowers as he is also smart, but has to end obviously destined college scholarship as we learn his parents died in a car crash and he had to drop out of school so he can take care of his sister. As a high school dropout who needs to take care of his little sister and live a decent life, he sadly has to be a drug dealer and can use his gifts to pretend to be a magician with bionics on his arms to make it look like he can float cards. He does get a girlfriend and because he is trying to get them out, he tries to skim some cocaine off his boss, but that goes very badly and you can go from there. The acting is actually superb and this is the best film this year distributed by WWE Films. It's really a good film and I am sad I haven't heard much about how good it actually is. 


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24. Gerald's Game
It is rather ironic that there were 2 Netflix films and 1 film based off a Stephen King property in my GINO Award nominees as this was actually a good year for both of those with 1922 and Gerald's Game really being good and as far as Netflix goes, this is one of two films in the Top 25. Gerald's Game was a surprisingly good book in my opinion and a really good adaptation was made by Mike Flanagan, who with this, Oculus, Hush, and Ouija: Origin of Evil is becoming one of new directors I'm looking forward to see. As this film is mostly set in one bedroom, this film makes you terrified for the well-being of Jessie Burlingame (played superbly by an actress who is better than the roles she normally gets in Carla Gugino), who gets herself in a terrible position as her husband handcuffs both her hands to the bedpost and then dies of a heart attack. The only issue was they changed the one guys name from Space Cowboy to Moonlight Man. Yeah, neither name is good, but you might as well go with the book if you don't have anything better to replace it. 


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23. Wonder
I'm going to be honest that I did not look forward to this film as this seemed like they were ripping off films where kids have scarred faces or Elephant Man with a cliche high school film, but they go in directions I did not expect. First of all, they do not have the one girl (probably blind) who becomes his girlfriend and he gains friends the normal, non-forced way of just being an likable extremely likable person (which I should give massive credit to Jacob Tremblay for his acting as the kid). In fact, you actually see that there is more issues with the adults as there are parents who are assholes (particularly the one bully's parents and in a rare case, it is the bully who we feel bad for in a way in his last scene). Even the main character's parents are not perfect as in their protection of him, they do forget a bit that they have another kid in their older daughter, who still is a good person to her younger brother despite him getting so much attention. It's a heart warming film and one I'm glad was more than meets the eye (to steal a Transformers line). 


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22. Megan Leavey
In case you haven't figured it out yet, I am a dog person and I did not hate A Dog's Purpose (don't worry, it didn't make the Top 25 list). But let's talk about films that did make the cut and this film is one of them as it deals with a woman who joins the army and eventually becomes a military dog handler, forming a great relationship with a dog who is unable to be worked by others. It also shows the trouble and bureaucracy she had to go through to eventually adopt the dog once its term of service has ended. It's heartwarming and also frustrating with how much crap this woman really went through to get the dog she took care of as yes, this is based on a true story. It once again shows why I prefer Kate Mara over Rooney Mara. It also has some other good acting by Common, Edie Falco, Bradley Whitford, Ramon Rodriguez, and even Tom Felton for as little screen time as he got. There needs to be more films that show it is not just soldiers who have to deal with the pressures of war, but also their animal companions. 

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21. The Disaster Artist
If you know about "so bad, it's good" movies, you have at least heard a bit about The Room (2003). You know about Tommy Wiseau and his wacky antics. But the film shows you how two actors played by Franco brothers would become friends and make one of the most "so bad, it's good" films. It is uncanny plenty of times how close to the actual scenes they recreate. There are plenty of cameos and I didn't know one of the characters is Zac Efron until I got to the premiere near the end of the movie. We still do not know the full story on Tommy Wiseau's past and I don't know if we ever will, but you could tell everyone who was in this film has some strange love for 2003's The Room, although it will never be inducted into Monster Crap for obvious reasons. 



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20 Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie
Oh this was so funny to watch as two kids who are pranksters (in the good kind) who accidentally hypnotize their principal and turn him into a comic book character they created named Captain Underpants. It gets even better with the kids' imaginations and when the villain Professor Poopypants (that is his name and yes, it is definitely made fun of a lot) shows up, it goes completely full blown comedy. I'm glad Netflix and Dreamworks recently revealed that they are making a TV series based off the show. Sadly, this film has basically been forgotten by reviewers in their lists so they must not have enjoyed it as much as I did. 


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19. Get Out
Now before all the hatred comes out about how low I put this movie on this list, I want to say that I think a lot of the hype probably hurt this film. This film is though great and as a horror film, it definitely does things that you do not expect and even I was surprised by the twist that the white family are so in love with black people that they want to become them basically. Oh and you might all know that Bradley Whitford is also in this film so you can say I did like him this year. Also, Jordan Peele is great as a director. It does deserve the nominations of awards that it is getting and for horror, that is a good thing at the end of the day. 


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18. Wonder Woman
I saw this film with my mom and like Get Out, I think the hype may have hurt this film, although considering that films in the DCEU have been mediocre at best and godawful at worse, I guess the hype is deserved. And no, before you asked, I did not see Justice League and I am not going to be one of those who sign a petition to see the Zack Snyder cut. But the best things about Wonder Woman are the actress playing Wonder Woman, a good World War 1 plotline, and of course bright color with the suits unlike the drab colors that infested most of these DCEU films. Unfortunately, it does suffer from a terrible reveal of the main villain (even my mom could call that guy being evil). Patty Jenkins probably should be directing the next Justice League movie and maybe that movie won't bomb like this Justice League movie did. This also proves that the long believed "We can't make a good Wonder Woman" was horseshit as probably many DC fans could tell you. 


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17. The Founder
Michael Keaton once again showed he was great by being the best part of Spider-Man: Homecoming and the main star in The Founder. This is of course the story of Ray Kroc, a businessman who created the fast food empire that we know as McDonald's. And while you may think he is great, he is a complete con-man who basically took a restaurant from two brothers with the actual last name of McDonald. Yes, he did do a lot to make the fast food company what it is today, but he really scamed a lot of people and left his own wife to marry another man's wife. But Michael Keaton is great as the man with a silver tongue who can sell almost anything. This film grabs you from the get-go and it keeps you intrigued during the whole run time. Oh and don't worry, this film will not stop you from eating McDonald's food.

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16. Brigsby Bear
This is a very unique film that deals with a fan of a show Bigsby Bear Adventures (think Teddy Ruxpin fighting an evil moon) who realizes that the show and his entire life has been faked as he was kidnapped as a child and raised by Mark Hamill and Jane Adams. But that still does not stop him from loving the show and even with the real world trying to influence him, he wants to give the show he loves the perfect ending in a Brigsby Bear movie. And there are plenty of people who see his passion want to help him with his film. And the end where we get to see the fan film that he made and is cheered brings some emotion to someone like me. I am glad that this is not just a run of the mill fish out of water tale and while we normally would hate the kidnappers, we completely don't. Of course we also love the main character and his real family as they are all done by good actors. Most of you probably didn't see it in theaters as it didn't get a wide release or really any press, but I recommend you see this film. 


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15. Wind River
A murder mystery that takes place in a Native American Reservation, this is an enjoyable film shows the harsh life of Native Americans in a reservation. In this badly runned down area, it is easy to believe these people would take to drugs. However, let's go to the mystery as a US Fish and Wildlife officer finds a dead body of a woman he knows (friend of his dead daughter) and has to help an FBI agent solve the murder(s as we find another body of a man beaten to death). By the way the wilderness works in Wyoming in winter, it makes sense that the Fish and Wildlife officer is used to help with the murder since he knows the area from tree to tree and since we have a FBI officer working at this alone since the coroner can not officially call the death a homicide since she died of pulmonary hemorrhage caused by rapid inhalation of extremely cold air.  The emotion, suspense, and action make this a great film to watch and realize that even these days, the life of Native Americans kind of still sucks. 


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14. My Life as a Zucchini
Also known as My Life as a Courgette in France, this stop motion animation film has a lot of emotion considering it is about a abused boy who has to live in a foster home because his drunk mom died (in an accident that the kid was kinda the cause of). You get to see how hard it is to deal with foster home life (although he finds it better than his life with his abusive drunk mom). It also involves him having to help a girl who deals with a verbally abusive aunt who only wants to have custody of her because she will get money because of it. It is adorable and it shows that despite what films like Annie or many films will tell you, people who normally deal with foster care mostly have a good heart and really want to help the kids through the troubled lives that they had before they came here. 


Kong standing right front of the sun, near the hills and Soliders chasing him in the water.
13. Kong: Skull Island
I saw this in the theaters with my dad (who is at the point where he mostly is only willing to go to theaters if it is a movie he wants to see and he gets the most relaxing seats available). We both enjoyed it despite my dad not really caring to see this film. It takes Kong (not allowed to be called King Kong because Universal kind of has the rights to that name) in a different way that has never been shown with Kong in no way ever going to New York City or any damsel and placed during the time of the Vietnam War. Kong is huge in this film and he is the good guy where he has to deal with a vengeful Samuel L. Jackson and other monsters who have made Kong the last of his kind left. While the acting is not that great, the action and monster fights are goddamn awesome. To those who enjoyed 2014's Godzilla (and even to those who didnt enjoy it), I would recommend you watch this for a new take on an old classic in King Kong (even though we can't call it King Kong). 


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12. Thor: Ragnarok
The best Thor film finally stopped trying to be this serious film and completely embrace the silliness and action of having Norse Gods in many dimensions. I even liked Cate Blanchett as the villain Hera and we get great new characters from actors like Tessa Thompson and the one and only Jeff Goldblum. We also get a great return of the Hulk who was last seen in The Avengers: Age of Ultron where he just vanished at the end of that film. We also use the great song by Led Zeppelin known as "Immigrant Song" to great effect as when both times it is played, you are pumped for the action on the screen. In fact, I am playing that song as I write about this film. Oh and the characters from the past Thor films are also awesome too. 


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11. Colossal
I REALLY wanted to have this film in the top 10, but as what happens to all films at #11, it just barely missed that placement. You might be wondering how a monster movie with Anne Hathaway and Jason Sudeikis would work and the answer is really well considering they only have monster avatars that end up in Korea. Jason Sudeikis is great as a childhood friend who turns out to be a real manipulative dick when given any type of power over anyone. The monster avatars are also great and the way for Anne Hathaway's character to finally defeat Jason Sudeikis' character is ingenious. Despite it being at #11, I would recommend seeing this film as soon as you can and the idea that it is not getting any love from the awards circuit is mind-boggling.  


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10. Logan
The perfect end to the original Fox X-Men series and yes, I know that it is not as high as on other people's lists, but that does not detract with how great this film is. It is definitely not one that is good be a fun filled comic book film as it is a true sad film with almost all of the mutants being killed off except for Wolverine, Prof. X (who is dealing with Alzheimer's so his mind powers are normally out of control, and some other guy who hides their secret. They then realize there are new mutants because of testing that they must protect from being exterminated by the bad guys who are very powerful. But as this is going to be the end of Hugh Jackman's run as Wolverine, you can predict that we will not have a happy ending. I saw this with my mom and we both enjoyed it although she might have enjoyed it more than I did.  


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9. Okja
This was a great Netflix film and no surprise, the director of Snowpiercer makes another great film. In this world, we get the creation of the Super Pig which will supposedly be used for better consumption of food and there will be a contest of who can raise the best super pig with a paid off animal host to say the whole thing is done humanely (when it really isn't. There is also an animal rights activist group that originally plans to use the pig as a way to make the company look bad by letting it get recaptured (when they pretend to break it out), but they can have cameras on the pig to show the people inhumanely treating the animals. But it is basically in the end a girl who loves her super pig like a very loved pet trying to get the super pig back. Tilda Swinton returns from Snowpierecer to have a duel role as twin sisters and is always great at playing someone who you do not like. Even though I am at meat eater and don't plan on changing that idea, this is a film that shows that sadly the animals normally raised for our food are not given the best treatment. 


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8. The Lost City of Z
I am really surprised that I have heard nothing about this film during awards season as this is a great film and normally one I would expect critics to want to reward. The only accolade I can find is it was one of the 10 best movies according to Time Magazine. Charlie Hunnam deserves some praise for his acting as Percy Fawcett, who was a real life explorer who thought there was a lost city of Zed out there and during his last expedition with his son, they vanished. But it is mostly about Percy's life, his time in World War 1 and how two expeditions before ended badly due to sabotage and unpreparedness. Robert Pattinson is also in this film and as with several films before this, Twilight proved to be a mere rarity in that pretty good actors are made to look godawful by a poor script and story. This hearkens back to classic exploration epics and I was intrigued from the film from beginning to end. 


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7. Baby Driver
Yeah, lets ignore the elephant in the room with Kevin Spacey as this was released before all that horrible shit about him came to light. This film has a style of its own and proves that Edgar Wright knows how to make a quality unique film. The music is also awesome and perfectly syncs up with the action going on as planned. The story revolves around a kid who suffered a very bad car accident as a youth and for that, he has a permanent ringing in his ears so he drowns it out with the music that perfectly fits with the action as he ends up being forced into being a professional getaway driver because of how good he is with driving. He helps with several bank robberies and falls in love in the process before finally deciding that he must find a way out so he can lead a better life with his recently acquired girlfriend. I would be surprised if this film gets no nominations for its sound in the film as this is definitely a movie that will not be as good as it would be if you are hearing impaired. 


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6. John Wick Chapter 2
Okay, I will admit that this sequel may not be as good as the original, but despite all of that, this film is still freaking amazing. John Wick is forced back into the assassin business and has to kill more people in his eventual attempt to just be left alone and live a normal life as a widower. All the choreography in every fight scene is top notch and almost every character (even all the assassins) are are all unique in their own way. The scenes and colors are very vibrant and it has an ending that is very surprising to me, although my friend could see it coming. At one time, this was at #1, but upon further reflection and some better films happening, it sadly misses out on the Top 5. But that doesn't mean you should not see this film as you actually should and I definitely can't wait for Part 3 to finally end this trilogy. 



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5. Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi
I know this film has been plenty divisive among its fans, but I and my dad (as well as my mom who saw it earlier) are among the camp that enjoyed it. Although I can admit I can see what people did not like about the film, but I think this film had to completely go in a new direction since the last film (although mostly loved) was kind of a repeat of A New Hope. Everyone is great at their part although it was strange to see Laura Dern and Benicio Del Toro as new characters. There was some funny stuff and I actually enjoyed the Porgs although you can take them out of the film and nothing would be lost. Actually, that helps the film with no one trying to hide that they are just there for the kids since we kind of have had characters who were made just for kids that were important to the plot and those ones (Jar Jar Binks, Ewoks) have been rather not liked. It also makes me want to see what happens in Episode IX, despite the knowledge that unfortunately, Carrie Fisher won't be in this film. 


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4. Coco
Disney and Pixar have done it again as they have given us another great film which despite knowing a bit about the Dia de Muertos holiday, I actually learn more about why they do have photos of their loved ones and how important it is to be remembered. But let's talk about the story. A kid who has a musical icon whose family hates music. He finds out that this musical icon may be his long lost great grandfather and goes into the world of the dead (long story) to find his supposed great grandfather. Of course he has a short time to do this as if he does not return to living world before the end of the night, he will be stuck as a dead man forever. He makes friends with a man who is trying to help him with the hopes that he can get this musical icon to help him be remembered because as soon as you are no longer remembered, you disappear from existence. The only problem is I kind of saw the twist coming a mile away, but I loved the music and if that song Remember Me does not get any emotion out of you, you have a truly black heart. Also this film is incredibly beautiful with its landscapes, especially in the world of the dead. 


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3. Your Name
This was a film that I saw with my friend and I only agreed to see it because of the good buzz it was getting. But that was all I knew about the film and thankfully, the buzz was well deserved as this film that takes the Freaky Friday formula in a new direction, was charming. You tend to really like both characters, even when they are inside each others and awkward situations do occur. They also eventually develop feelings for each other and eventually want to meet, but the shocking twist in this film definitely creates a gut punch to that idea. I really can't explain to much of the third act as you would have to find out the twist to understand that and I REFUSE TO GIVE THAT AWAY!!!! If you are an anime fan or at the last enjoy cartoons, you will love this film. It was lower on the list, but i rose to number 3 off of the memory as I still remember a lot this film. 


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2. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2
The final two entries on this list are going to be sequels to other films and in both cases, I could argue they are better than the films before them. This one has a definite better villain than the first one and once again, I can't spoil that as it is one of those twist villains. The music continues to be great and everyone is still true to form in their acting roles. I saw this film with my dad and my best friend and you really could argue for this being a real treat in 3D thanks to the colors. I enjoyed almost everything about this film and can not believe that it is only #2 and not #1. I can't wait for the next appearance of these characters although it is going to be hard to replace a certain character who sadly dies off in this film, and especially in an extremely emotional moment. 


Caesar, with a rifle and Nova behind his back, on a horse with the film's logo and "Witness the End July 14" at the bottom.
1. War for the Planer of the Apes
Oh dear god, I cannot believe the people behind these Planet of the Apes prequels saved the best for last. This film is so good that I definitely do not want a sequel to this as this perfectly ends the series and you could agree that we should accept the actual Planet of the Apes film (not the 2001 remake) as continuation. This film makes me love the apes and I was rooting for them till the very end. And once again, I really am rather tired of Andy Serkis getting no love from the Academy because as much as old bigwigs hate to admit it, Andy Serkis in a CGI suit gives us more emotion and makes him more likeable than 90% of actors in live action movies. And Woody Harrelson makes a great villain that you so want to see die, not because of him being terrible, but because he is that evil. Also the side characters are great too and even the comedic character played by Steve Zahn is also good, despite my misgivings of him. Out of all the films this year, this is definitely going to be the one I recommend the most. 


And that is my list of films I liked a lot in 2017, now I unfortunately have to get to the worst of 2017 and oh dear god, you will see why I freaking hated this year in films as I get to the 25 Worst films of 2017. This is going to hurt to remember these films.