Saturday, February 17, 2018

Monster Crap March 2018 Induction Poll

Well, unfortunately that puny Seth is not in constant pain from watching From Dusk Til Dawn 2: Texas Blood Money. Every time I see him, he is just looks normal and that is no fun. I want the man to be suffering and since there will be no theme to this month, let's see if one of these ten choices can get that suffering that I want. 


Night of the Living Dead 3D (2006)
Night of The Living Dead Gets An Unneeded Remake (Because There Was Already A Good Remake Filmed)

Image result for pumpkinhead ashes to ashes dvd
Pumpkinhead: Ashes To Ashes (2006)
This Film Should Have Been Burned Before Release

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The Grudge 2 (2006)
What Began With One....Will End With Crap

Image result for lost boys the tribe
Lost Boys: The Tribe (2008)
Proof That Just Because You Were Able To Cast The Brother Of The Actor Who Played The Last Bad Guy Doesn't Mean He Is Gonna Work Just As Well

Image result for final days of planet earth
Final Days Of Planet Earth (2006)
This Movie Found A Way To Make Bug People Seem Rather Boring

Prom Night 2.jpg
Hello, Mary Lou: Prom Night II (1987)
This Film Probably Should Have Stayed Torched Like The Evil Prom Queen Was

The Cave (2005)
Beneath Hell Lies Complete Boredom

Puppet Master (1989)
Crap Comes In All Sizes

Gamera vs gurion poster.jpg
Gamera vs. Guiron (1969)
The Turtle Full Of Meat Faces Knife Lizard That Shows That Gamera Knows Gymnastics. 

Meridian Kiss of the Beast.jpg
Meridian: Kiss of the Beast (1990)
Someone Decided It Was Okay To Be In Love With Your Monster Rapist. 

Poll ends at February 24, at 12 AM


Saturday, February 10, 2018

Impact Implosion 2/08 - What's Next for Austin Aries?

Good news is this show was better than last week's drizzling shits. Bad news is the show is still bad and more in a sloppy wrestling way. Boy did we have some bad botches on this week's Impact like confusion as to who is legal in a tag match, not being able to sell for the Unprettier, and not being able to sell for a Double Team DDT. The main event was good though despite that Double Team DDT botch and Sonjay Dutt seemed to have a tiny bit more life in his commentary than the guy he replaced in JB. We also got fashion faux pas in Hania's debut against Amber Nova as neither woman look good with what they were wearing. Oh and Aries (despite having the top belt) says he is not signed with the company. 

Click Here To Listen

Friday, February 9, 2018

RIP Reg E. Cathey

Image result for reg cathey wiki
1958-2018

It is sadly that time where Monster Crap mourns the loss of a alumni member. Today, this time we mourn the sad passing of Reg E. Cathey, who was Norman Wilson on The Wire, Martin Querns on Oz, and Freddy Hayes on House of Cards. But here at Monster Crap, we will always remember him as.....


Dr. Franklin Storm in that horrible reboot of Fantastic Four in 2015

He passed away February 9, 2018 at 59 to cancer. H will be missed.

Monday, February 5, 2018

Impact Implosion 2/01 - Austin Aries Makes a HUGE Return

Well, you definitely 27 minutes of pure unadulterated anger as both Mike and I hated this episode a lot.  That is big as this is the first show under the new regime of Don Callis and Scott D'Amore so not a good sign that we gave this show an F and I was drinking during the show. We do talk about Rockstar Spud being in WWE 205 Live now and JB leaving before we get into the unbridled anger. Guys, I know these shows are short, but we never plan them that way as we have no limit for our time, that's just how long we need to talk about what happened. 

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Sunday, January 28, 2018

Impact Implosion 1/25 - Catching Up on Barbed Wire Massacre & More!

Well, time to cover two shows since last Thursday was my birthday and I did not want to waste my birthday on a terrible show (which that show was so I made the right choice). But there was also a good show that was Genesis for this week so you have your bad and your good. 


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Saturday, January 27, 2018

Monster Crap Inductee: Jurassic School (2017 GINO Award Winner)

Monster Crap Inductee: Jurassic School (GINO Award Winner)
Run While You Still Can…

2017

...

I have no words.

No truly, I have no words for why you all picked this movie.

I mean, when I put this movie on the nominees, I knew it was the worst film I saw and had to put it in, but because this was a movie that was Direct To DVD, I didn’t expect it to win. Nor did I expect it to get 15 votes out of 33. That’s nearly half the people who decided they wanted to see me suffer. NegaSeth nearly coughed out a lung from laughing so hard.

Instead, I thought something like The Mummy, The Emoji Movie, The Bye Bye Man, or even an outside shot that Death Note would get it as those are more well-known and films that people have huge problems with. The Mummy got zero vote, The Bye Bye Man got one vote, Death Note got three and The Emoji Movie finished second place with six votes. That is still less than half what Jurassic School got.

Well, I might as well talk about the background film…except I can’t because none of these people have done much with noting. Heck, for several of these people, this is the only film they have done so far and considering the acting here, I can see why. The only thing I can say is this is a movie is this is done from our good friends at The Asylum and this is the worst film of theirs I have seen since Transmorphers and if you remember that film, I truly despised it and truly hated the egos of the people working on it. But unlike that film, this one doesn’t have the egos. From what I have seen, these are all just people who did a damn job and while this film is one of the worst things I have ever seen, I have no easy targets.

*Sigh* This is Jurassic School.

We begin with a hill that Asylum uses on several of their movies.

Asylum Loves This Hill

Also…

That’s One Of The Laziest Title Screens I Have Ever Seen

As we are having our opening credits, a boy is riding his bike to school. Meanwhile, a bunch of girls are talking while training for track & field. The boy who rode his bike to school is the brother of one of the girls.

This Is Chloe

Of course they get interrupted by their coach who tells them it is time for them to hustle as suicides are up next.

Time For You All To Run In The Forest, Find A Noose, And Hang Yourselves. Fastest Wins A Starring Role In An Upcoming Logan Paul Video

Okay, that was a bad joke. Suicide in this case is actually a drill where you go back and forth with a further distance that is meant to help with your endurance. Chloe tells the coach that it is actually time for sprints and the coach is disorganized that after a mistake with her clipboard, she just says right. She then yells at the kids to go.

Meanwhile, we meet our boy riding his bike and his name is Tommy.


He asks another kid named Ethan if he is late.

Ethan May Seem Nice In This Opening Scene, But He Is Actually A Prick.

Ethan tells Tommy that he isn’t late and asks Tommy for help with his tiny robotic T-Rex.

Yeah….Remember This Robot For Later

Tommy fixes the robotic T-Rex and Ethan thanks him before he goes back to the classroom. This is all actually a science fair to impress our judge Dr. Reynolds, who works for the company called Vista Tech


We then meet our teacher named Ms. Hadley.


Dr. Reynolds seems rather annoyed to be here despite his company sponsoring this event. Basically this project needs to use analogue and digital technology to teach us more about dinosaur. Ethan comes in to show his robotic T-Rex which Dr. Reynolds seems to like. When Hadley asks what is analogue about it, he says this will take a while so someone should go next while he shows his analogue part. Tommy goes next.

His experiment is a program that turns an ostrich egg into a dinosaur egg that will hatch. That seems a little far-fetched for a simple kid (even a genius kid) to do, but this is a kids film so I am willing to overlook this.


Well, this whole crap fails, and Ethan has to come in to show his analogue part that the T-Rex can make miniature donuts so no one starves and those donuts….

Come Out Of The T-Rex’s Ass.

Yes, robot dinosaur poop makes donuts and people eat them, finding them delicious. I have nothing. A Robotic Dinosaur that poops donuts. You can’t make this crap up if you tried. This is stupid. 

When This Lady Talks About The Devil’s Donuts In A VIPoo Product (Yes, That Is A Real Thing), I Don’t Think This Is What She Meant

The robotic dinosaur’s tail knocks over Tommy’s experiment and as he is trying to recover it, his belly squishes the ostrich egg and he has ostrich yolk all over him.


Ethan shows no care that his experiment fucked over Tommy’s experiment and basically acts like anyone can still win this, even though he knows he has won. Dr. Reynolds agrees, and he says that Ethan is going to Regionals. Everyone eats donuts except for Tommy who is still upset about his experiment being destroyed.

Ms. Hadley tries to speak up for Tommy on the way out, but Dr. Reynolds doesn’t care. He says that Vista Tech is forcing him to be here because as part of this little sponsorship deal, he has to spend more time with the science division of this school. He says that Vista Tech has a financial interest in this so he doesn’t have time for projects that don’t work. He is all in on Ethan and he leaves. Hadley is able to get Tommy to be part of the program, but Reynolds says is he fails, it is on her. And he gets hit by a red ball.

Does This Have Anything To Do With The Rest Of This Film?? Of Course Not!!!

Back at Tommy and Chloe’s home, Tommy still tries to work on his experiment. He tries again with the full experiment, including putting a drop on the egg and places it in a tank under a heating lamp. But I have a question, what is the marble course do? They sadly answer that question of what it does and it is used in every attempt of this machine. It’s just there and makes no difference on the experiment.

We also meet his mom.

More On Her Later

Chloe is there and is upset that Tommy took her smart phone to make a video. He said he would only need it for 2 minutes and it has been 10. Tommy says he only needs it for another 5 minutes, so it will probably take another 25 before he is done. But the mom says it is okay and next time, ask her so she could use her phone. Chloe then complains that the mom should just get him a real phone. Tommy gets an email from Ms. Hadley that he gets another chance and he is happy.

Tommy comes in to say the good news and he rubs against the fern, which pisses off her mom. Yes, this is a mom whose main characteristic is she cares more about her fern plant than she does about her kids. I wish I was making that up. And why does she care about this fern? It is the only prize ribbon she has ever gotten. I just can’t with these people.

Oh And Dad Here. He Does Nothing. You Could Pretty Much Axe Him Out Of The Story And Nothing Would Be Lost.

We also learn that Tommy is only coming in as an assistant for Ethan and the whole second chance is really nothing. Back at school. A friend of Tommy’s named Cynthia asks if he really wants to do this since it is after school and he is working for someone else’s experiment.


Actually, that is a very good question. If your experiment is so great as we will find out it is, he says he needs their help for his experiment to succeed. Oh dear lord, we will find out that he can basically tell Vista Tech to kiss his rear. He says that if he gets into Vista Tech, they can back him on his project. Cynthia then wishes her mom wasn’t out of town. Tommy says that Vista Tech is here so he needs to work with them. I’m gonna spoil something for you, Cynthia’s mom heads for a rival company Geni-Sharp and it is until near the end Cynthia decides to mention this. No one else mentions this to him either. Yeah, you extremely see how wanting to work with Vista Tech as an assistant for another experiment is more of a bad thing for you.

Ms. Hadley then tells Tommy his experiment has amazing potential and he needs to keep working on it. Dr. Reynolds greets Ethan when he arrives and takes a subtle dig at Tommy. Dr. Reynolds then says that Vista Tech wants another experiment that Ethan can make. Hadley tells him to not be afraid to let Tommy help out and he says he will, then bosses Tommy around when Hadley leaves and basically says that if Tommy screws this up, he will have him kicked out. He tells Tommy to do Ethan’s homework. He says if Tommy doesn’t do great with his homework, he will sabotage his own project and make it look like Tommy did it.

So, after a while, Ethan comes back and asks what he has. Tommy doesn’t know what he meant, and Ethan says he knows Tommy is working on another experiment. He says he is thinking of working on a synthetic growth hormone, so we don’t have to wait years for dinosaurs they make to reach maturity. Ethan tells him that will be the experiment and he will work on it now for Ethan. WHAT??!!! Tommy, get out of this and find someone else who will work on this research.

Back at the home, Tommy chats with Cynthia via the computer and Cynthia wonders how it went. Cynthia still wants to help Tommy and talks about how her mom sends the best computers and she will get back to him if she finds something in the schematics to help him with his experiment. Tommy gets angry and unfortunately, he accidentally knocks off another ostrich egg.

Yes, This Kid Is Murdering Ostriches Left And Right

After looking over a science book, he figures out the problems and adjusts his experiment. He goes back to school to work with Ethan. He explains his theory on the growth hormone and Ethan then says we did some good work even though he did nothing and looked at his tablet. Tommy goes back home and into his room where he relaxes. The next day, he awakens to see his dinosaur egg hatch.

Ahhh…..Those Eyes!!!!

Yes, I know I could talk about the crappy CGI and for that I say, the dinosaur effects will get more practical later. Tommy wonders where he is going to hide this guy for the whole week. Wait what….you need to hide him. Why??? Talk to Cynthia about this or someone close to you and find someone you know at a high level and work with them. Why do you need to hide this massive discovery? Sadly, the answer is so we can pad the film out some more.

When his mom knocks to ask if everything is alright since she heard noises, Tommy lies and says it is just him for some reason. Oh and while telling his mom that everything is fine, the dinosaur drinks some of the hormone growth liquid.


Tommy then hides the dinosaur under a jacket and opens the door for his mom. After shenanigans with the parents that amounts to nothing, he gets them out of the room so he can be with his new dinosaur. After taking the jacket off, we see the dinosaur grow.

My Dead Eyes Are Going To Haunt Your Nightmares. Oh And Prepare To See This A Lot As This Is The Practical Effect

Oh and that is normal size for this species of dinosaur so it will not be growing any bigger and definitely not as big as the DVD cover would have you believe. Tommy pets the dinosaur and decides that its name is Spike. Tommy realizes Spike must be hungry so he tells it to not move as he will be right back. Chloe follows him, having heard the noise. She asks why he is sneaking around and behind her back, the dinosaur goes into her bedroom. She says she is watching him and is about to go into her room, when Tommy stops her. He then hugs his sister and uses this to motion for Spike to get back to his room.

Meanwhile as the parents are watching bathroom humor (you can hear the fart noises from the screen) and laugh, Tommy goes looking for food and sees the fern.

He Takes The Fern To Feed To Spike. How Will This Backfire Later, You Shall See.

He then starts reading to Spike the book Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s The Lost World.

This Is Happening. He Does Realize Dinosaurs Don’t Have Very Good Brains To Process Any Of This Book, Right?

He then sleeps

On The Floor And That Mooching Dinosaur Takes The Bed.

Chloe knocks on Tommy’s door to tell him they will be late for school. Tommy pretends that he is sick and Chloe calls for mom. He hides the dinosaur and tries to pretend he is sick for mom, but she feels his forehead and he is fine. He leaves Spike the fern and a bowl of water and tells Spike to not leave the room.

At school, Tommy is at the library on the computer when Cynthia explains how she has figured out a way for his computer to not crash so often. Of course, Tommy doesn’t care now and acts flakey towards his only friend. He then works with Ethan and Ethan is not having it, saying he has to get this fixed before Saturday’s Regionals. After Ethan leaves, the egg grows bigger.

You Want To Show Ethan? No? Okay…

Tommy heads home on his bike and to his room, to see Spike on the floor. He seems to be sick with something and Tommy then realizes that Spike needs more plants to have more oxygen. He then orders some plants online and gets a one-hour delivery (Ha!!!) of those things.

I Don’t Even Want To Ask How He Pays For This As The Answer Would Probably Involved Stolen Credit Cards And Sadly We Will Get No Tim Curry.

And A Kids Film With Stolen Credit Cards Without Tim Curry Revealing Your Stolen Credit Card As Well As Wondering What The Police Will Think…Is Not Worth My Time

After a few minutes of going in and out of the house with the stuff as well as Tommy eventually setting it up in his room, Tommy how has the perfect greenhouse spot for Spike to live in. The delivery man sees Spike eating one of the plants and runs.

Bad Special Effect…I Need To Get Out Of This Film!!!!

Tommy gets asked by his dad about all the plants (because you can’t hide that shit in one room). He explains that it is part of his experiment to see if humans can live in a dino-type environment. Dad just says okay and leaves.

I Exist For Some Reason

He also asks about Mom’s missing fern and Tommy lies in saying he didn’t borrow it.

The Face Of A Liar

After getting rid of Dad, Tommy goes into his mini-greenhouse to hang with Spike, who has definitely gotten better. He tries to train the dinosaur like a dog, but they at least remember this time that dinosaurs do have tiny brains, so Spike doesn’t listen. Mom comes in to see the new mini-greenhouse and yes, she finds her fern being ruined, which she is very upset about.


She grounds her kid and takes his computer away, which he protests, but seeing as he did ruin her prized possession (and lied to Dad about it), he doesn’t have a leg to stand on. Mom then calls Chloe to ask if he and Tommy are already home (which she should know since a minute earlier, she was grounding Tommy. Someone failed at editing). Chloe confirms that to be true although Tommy isn’t home yet as he is still with that science program so this must be the next day (wish I knew that, but this film doesn’t care if we know about timing). So Mom tells Chloe that it is time for her to earn her keep and do the laundry. She tries to get out of this, but Mom won’t have it and Chloe will need the laundry to be dry before Mom gets home. She goes into Tommy’s room to get his clothes and we hear her scream as she has obviously found Spike and Spike runs.

Tommy gets home and Chloe tells him of the situation of a dinosaur being in the house (although she first thinks it is an alligator or crocodile). Again, these are fucking kids so I will once again let that stupidity slide. I apologize for my language there, but you need to understand how frustrated I am getting. I will try to censor myself more for reviewing this kids movie.

So now Tommy has to explain about Spike not being dangerous and that he is a dinosaur. Chloe can’t at first believe this, but Tommy explains that this is indeed real. He allows her to pet Spike and that calms her down. Chloe talks about this being amazing and Tommy tells her that she can’t tell anyone because again, she wants to show it to Mr. Hadley (his words as Ms. Hadley is very much a woman) and Dr. Reynolds, who yes has already told Tommy that he is merely an assistant to Ethan and treats like dirt. He also says that Spike isn’t even strong enough to leave yet. Chloe then decides that she will agree to hide this, but Tommy needs to do her chores and homework for her.

This Girl Knows The Meaning Of Blackmail And Isn’t Afraid To Use It. She Probably Grows Up To Be Sarah Michelle Geller From Cruel Intentions.

I Once Blackmailed My Brother To Do My Chores And Homework So He Could Hide A Dinosaur From Our Parents.

Cynthia calls Tommy to tell him that Ethan and Dr. Reynolds are in the library and upset that he hasn’t answered any of his emails. So Cynthia tells him to get here immediately as they are talking about kicking him out of the program and are just waiting for Ms. Hadley to do so. He has to leave and he asks Chloe to look after Spike. She says she will do it, but he is now up to six months of homework and three months of chores.

He is there to show how they are doing on the growth experiment and Ethan decides to sabotage Tommy for some reason. This basically causes the egg to explode and get yolk all over everyone but Ethan who knew to stay far away.

The Ostrich Egg Killer Continues To Go Unpunished By Law

Dr. Reynolds is tired and he kicks Tommy out of the program which makes the rest of this movie and Dr. Reynolds’ reason for still being the bad guy in the rest of this movie, pointless. So remember that everything that happens after here with the bad guy. Meanwhile Chloe decides to paint Spike’s little claws.


Ms. Hadley leaves a message for Tommy that despite all of this, she will still take a look at his project on Monday (whenever that is as this movie doesn’t understand how time works). Meanwhile, Chloe takes selfies with Spike.

Well So Much For That Whole Hidden Part

Relax, she never posts it on social media. Tommy comes back to tell the bad news although he the gets the message from Hadley which makes him happy. But he doesn’t know if his project will be ready and Chloe tells him that she will help him after all, because she thinks Ethan is only in it for the bragging rights and she wants him to show him up. So now they take Spike to school. Ethan is there and despite Tommy being no longer his assistant, he still leaves Tommy with his robo-dinosaur as it is malfunctioning again. You know any good movie, this would be where Tommy fixes it a little bit, but still sabotages it enough that Ethan gets in trouble when he takes credit for it to Dr. Reynolds. But this isn’t that good movie.

Instead the robo-dinosaur roars and scares Spike, who runs into the school.


Oh and it scares girls as it runs by. It also runs by Dr. Reynolds, Ms. Hadley, and Ethan. Both Dr. Reynolds and Ethan try to make it their own with Dr. Reynolds claiming that is Vista Tech property.

NO!!!!

Dr. Reynolds, you fired Tommy out of this group!!! He didn’t use Vista Tech equipment for this!!! You Have no right to this dinosaur!!! You are out!!!

You Get Nothing!!!! Good Day, Sir!!!!

A stupid ass chase scene begins where they try to have people stop Ethan, but Ms. Hadley doesn’t let them. Meanwhile, despite Dr. Reynolds trying to say no calls, the librarian calls that there is a wild animal attack at the school.

That’s Her Only Role In This Film

This causes an agent to be called to the scene.

She Is An Agent For The Office Of Experimental Animal Welfare. I Checked And Yes, That Is A Real Thing That Exists. She Is Never Named Although I’m Sure She Is Named In The Cast, But I Don’t Know Her Name And They Never Say It In The Film So She Will Be Known As The Agent. 

Dr. Reynolds calls his people at Vista Tech to get a van and help here immediately. The van and people capture the dinosaur and for some reason, Tommy and Chloe are held back as Dr. Reynolds and Ethan leave with the dinosaur.


Oh and Ms. Hadley has to go with them or the school loses sponsorship. Meanwhile the agent wants her people to look into Dr. Reynolds history. Dr. Reynolds also threatens Tommy if he goes near the creature. After they leave, Chloe fakes fainting so Tommy can escape along with the robo-dino.

It seems Tommy may have lost them, but a car comes to pick him up. It is a car carrying Cynthia, who gets him to Vista Tech. And this happens just as the Vista Tech group is taking Spike inside the building. Cynthia also says that her mother can help them when she gets back, but Tommy can’t wait.

Tommy heads to the front of the building just to see Dr. Reynolds tell the guards to look out for Tommy. Chloe arrives and they hide to wonder if they can formulate a plan to get in. The plan they have is to use the robotic dinosaur to poop donuts for the guards and them being distracted eating the donuts.



In fact the guards get so distracted by delicious donuts (from a dinosaur’s ass) that they ignore their guarding as Tommy and Chloe are easily able to sneak by.

Man, These Guards Are So Dumb

And apparently that is a smart move for Tommy not to wait as in the lab of Vista Tech, Spike is dying (oh and trust me, you will find out why this dinosaur is dying and you will lose your shit). Despite the fact that Dr. Reynolds will lose a grant if Spike dies, after Ethan has no idea how to fix it, Dr. Reynolds decides to just let it die. Ethan thinks Tommy should be in on this, but Dr. Reynolds says no because Tommy would tell the cops on him. Ethan refuses to be part to the death of the greatest find so Dr. Reynolds kicks him out too.

Unfortunately, Tommy and Chloe’s plan is ruined when Dr. Reynolds comes down the stairs and sees them. Another chase ensues and Ms. Hadley as well as Ethan (who becomes good) help Tommy and Chloe escape with the dinosaur. Oh and the reason Spike is dying is because he can’t breathe.

What?

Seriously, you are in a lab for animals and this lab (which is basically a fucking warehouse) can’t even afford the basic amenities to have anything breathe.


Vista Tech is supposed to be a place of science!!!! One of the first orders of business for a lab to have a living animal is to find a way for the animal to breathe. Do you have nothing to let the animal breathe with like a plant? Jesus Christ, this place should never be allowed to get animals ever.

By the way, I’m rushing though this just to get it done because I am so done with this movie. So, the smart thing to let an animal that is having trouble breathing is to take him to a forest, right? I mean, a forest has tons of trees, which are plants and plants give off oxygen for us to live while taking in the carbon dioxide, so we don’t choke on our own excess air. But this is a stupid movie, so we literally get the moment where it seems like the dinosaur dies due to lack of oxygen.


You really couldn’t have him done this at the lab where they are too late. I would have still had issues with Vista Tech, but that would not in the end screw with science with it dying of lack of oxygen in a forest. Unless someone is strangling you or your breathing parts are being constricted somehow, you really can’t die from lack of oxygen in a forest. Why in the blue hell is this movie trying to make people dumber?

So Ms. Hadley tells us that Spike is merely in a state where he may seem dead, but he is not dead yet. So with the help of a truck that has oxygen…

A Vista Tech Truck Which Makes Me Sort Of Wonder How They Were Able To Get That Out Here Without Dr. Reynolds Knowing.

They make a special foiled place for Spike to get more oxygen.

I’m Not Gonna Even Get Into The Idea Of Oxygen Toxicity.

Bottom line is this crap works and Spike lives.

I’m Alive…But My Dead Eyes Will Still Haunt Your Dreams

Dr. Reynolds finds them and tries to explain that is Vista Tech property (why are you saying this to people who know it isn’t).


However the agent from earlier comes in to arrest Dr. Reynolds for kidnapping and animal cruelty (considering his lab, that would make sense) as well as embezzlement of both Vista Tech and the county school system.


He is mad and tells Hadley that she will never teach again (considering the crap you are charged with, she will be fine).

Oh and they reveal here that Cynthia’s mom is CEO of the rival company Geni-Sharp (making this whole experience rather pointless as Cynthia could have gotten this shit taken care of immediately with her mom. The reason Cynthia gives for why she didn’t tell them was her mom doesn’t like to brag. But her mom wouldn’t be bragging in this case, it would be you helping out a friend by giving him the right channels to get his experiment protected. That would be like if my mother being a head of a rival and reputable talent agency and I have a friend who is really good at acting while trying to get in with this shitty talent agency. Then after crap happens where he gets a role despite the crappy talent agency trying to screw him over, I pop up with my mom and my friend asks why I didn’t tell him and I said, she doesn’t want to brag. My friend would not be happy that he had to go through all of this when there was an extremely easier way to do this.

So now Spike is in a sanctuary provided by Geni-Sharp where he will be able to survive and Tommy will be able to visit him.


Oh and Spike will now have a sister.

Which Is Somehow A Different Species And Do To The Formula That Should Be Impossible, But I Am Passed Caring.

And that’s the end of the movie. There will be no need of an aftermath as like with the intro, these are just people who work with Asylum or are just in this film.

So let’s get to my final verdict. There is a reason why this movie was my worst of the year. This movie craps all over basic science while trying to tell us some advanced stuff. I normally let’s kids movies slide because I am okay with it being not for me. Just like romance movies aren’t for me. But even as a kid, I would have found huge holes in the story and science, especially the dinosaur nearly dying from lack of oxygen in the forest. That along with the bad acting and bad effects, makes me call this one of the worst kids films I have ever seen. Worse than even crap like the Oogieloves film as that one existed in its own world and didn’t try to be based in reality. And unfortunately, it seems Asylum has not learned at all from this idea as they are making more films

Like Trolland

Or Izzie’s Way Home

Or Santa Paws

Dammit Asylum, you are going to make it difficult for me to like you now. But for now, I’ve decided that I can’t donate this pain to the less fortunate kids so I’m going to have to do something else with this DVD.

Exactly Where It Belongs

Now onto the next induction and…

Aw…Did The Big Baby Finally Finish The Terrible Movie?

*Sigh* What do you got for me next?

Well, as you know from my birthday present to you. I decided that this February will be Vampuary so I asked your fans (the same fans who gave you Jurassic School to induct this month) what you should induct next between ten films with vampires and the fans didn’t disappoint in your continued misery.

Hey, you know how you like the original From Dusk Till Dawn?

Yeah, it’s one of the few vampire films I can go back and watch anytime.

Well, how about a sequel that despite what it says, Robert Rodriguez has nothing to do with.