Tuesday, October 10, 2017

Impact Implosion for 10/05 - Life After Victory Road 2017

Well, after that show that got an A from me, how would the next show go. If you guessed another A, WRONG!!! If you guessed maybe a B, WRONG!!!! If you guessed it would go back to C territory, WRONG!!! No, we get D territory where lazy writing takes over to set up matches for Bound For Glory. And when I mean lazy writing, I mean the scheduled matches for BFG are set up so lazily. Knockouts Title? Meh, just send four women out there with three wanting a shot and Karen just giving it to them. X-Division Title? Just have a six man (with guys on both sides being added to the match for shits and giggles) and after the face team wins, have them argue over who gets the shot. World Title? Just have two guys fight and Jim makes a match where one of them gets the world title shot. Hell, I could book this shit in my sleep, if I was feeling extra lazy in my sleep (I would truly book better shit in my sleep). For much more lazy writing from TNA creative this episode,

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Sunday, October 1, 2017

Impact Implosion for 9/28 - The Fallout of Victory Road

Another two week show since we didn't have one last week. We started the show off with a long discussion on the passing of Bobby "The Brain" Heenan (who did make appearances on this company (twice)). Then we go into the wacky news that caused GFW to go back to Impact Wrestling (because before re-branding themselves and putting all their eggs on the name GFW, they didn't think to actually own the trademark to the name). The other news of Carny leaving at BFG, La Mierda returning at BFG, and BFG moving to Canada. In news, this has been a laughable time for the company. The first show we talk about gets an Incomplete due to Pop TV having no audio on the second hour of the episode when it was On Demand. The second show though was great where the bad was kept to a minimum and the great action took up most of the show. 

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Saturday, September 30, 2017

Monster Crap Inductee: The Mummy's Kiss (2003)

Monster Crap Inductee: The Mummy’s Kiss
Never Trust An Egyptian With The Name Hor


Well, thankfully it is the end of another summer of porn and thankfully, Porno Pete went with a decent one to end on with The Mummy’s Kiss. Oh sure, this is a very low budget film that you might not even be a fan of for the sex scenes (a rarity in a porno). This is also a movie that had the rare DVD with commentary and the even rarer R-Rated Cut.

God Dammit...If You Do That Cut, I Will Throw Such A Fit.

Relax, Pete…I wasn’t going to do that version. I don’t like censorship as much as the next guy so I was gonna do the film as it was meant to be seen. Also, I also get to make many of jokes about the director of this film Donald F. Glut. You see, Donald F. Glut does direct these low budget skin flicks, but he also is a prolific writer for several successful TV series and Shazam!

Seriously…The Writer Of This, Also Writes And Directs Porn

In fact, thanks to the DVD commentary, I also know that this film was actually going to be the sequel to a film called The Erotic Rites Of Countess Dracula, but since the 2000s The Mummy series was in its apex, he was convinced by producers to do a mummy porno instead. And good thing he did as according to IMDB, people remember him more for directing this than Erotic Rites of Countess Dracula.

Now for the cast, you know that it is going to be a bunch of porn actresses and the star would be Mia Zottoli (under the name Ava Niche), who is very attractive. But another surprise you might not expect is low budget star who has been seen in plenty of other films, Richard Lynch is in this film. You might have seen him in stuff like Invasion USA, The Sword & The Sorcerer, Alligator 2, Trancers 2, Puppet Master 3, and of course at the end of his life and career, Rob Zombie would use him in two of his films.

As far as Monster Crap alumni goes, we have Arthur Roberts was Mr. Todd in Chopping Mall. Tony Clay is also in this and he was the Invisible Man in Attack of the 60 Foot Centerfold.

This Guy

Doug Goodreau is an actor in this film, but you would know that he did the animatronics for Ghoulies III: Ghoulies Go To College. And with that, let’s start with the induction.

We start off with Isis looking at the screen and dancing naked (she is naked throughout the film) as Sawn Lake plays in the background and we get our title card.

Thankfully It Was Just Her Head When The Title Card Popped Or I Would Have Some Very Interesting Black Box Work To Do

Oh and there would be random shots of Egyptian hieroglyphics that were shot actually Egyptian Theater in LA, instead of being in actual Egypt. Also Isis here was a last minute addition to the film as the actress playing her got hired at the last second due to her body (that’s how pornos work). Also the special effects are done by John Carl Buechler who has had several credits in Monster Crap history like directing like doing the effects for all three Ghoulies films and Demonic Toys (although he is uncredited for that) as well as having directing credits for Ghoulies 3: Ghoulies Go To College and of course, Friday The 13th Part VII: The New Blood (which he also did the effects for).

And we start with the ass shot of one of the students as she goes into the warehouse that is at a university.

Who Says Listening To Director’s Commentary Has No Purpose? Because If You Didn’t Listen To It, Most Of You Won’t Know That Whemple University Is Named After The Main Good Guy (And His Dad) In The Original Mummy That Universal Did Years Ago….Unless You Were A Film Buff Which While I’ve Seen Films, I Will Not Come Close To Calling Myself One.

We also meet the security guard in Chuck Jefferson and the girl’s whose ass the camera was checking out in Ana Harwa, who is niece to Dr. Wallis Harwa, who we will meet later. Once again, little knowledge from Director’s Commentary as they got the last name Harwa from a mummy that is at the Field’s Museum in Chicago.

She asks if Professor Moore is in and Chuck says that he is and she can go in.We also meet the other security guard named Dick Walters. Walters is also the name of an art museum in Baltimore that also has a mummy.

Dick allows Ana to pass as she meets up with Professor Carter Moore and his assistant Tina Kim.

Oh and Carter & Ana kiss in front of the assistant Tina, which….why do these Mummy movies I induct always have Professors shacking up with students? I mean, I believe this is once again unethical.

So they open up the box they have which is a sarcophagus.

They find out that the mummy’s name is Hor-Shep-Sut through the hieroglyphics on the sarcophagus and open it.

The mummy is wearing a mask that Tina explains is Osiris, the god of death and resurrection. That’s partially correct although he also is considered god of the afterlife as well as some other things so I promise not to get on my Egyptian mythology high horse on this. Ana decides that she wants to touch and thankfully for her, this mummy doesn’t have any fungus that can cause your skin to burn off unlike Time Walker. But this mummy touch does cause Ana to have a vision of a past life.

Black Boxes Early

This past life is as Princess Hat-Em-Akhet and Hor-Shep-Sut also shows up.

Ah I See They Got That Old Slave Leia Garb On Hor-Shep-Sut

And she fills it out nicely.

That she does and of course Hor-Shep-Sut and Hat-Em-Akhet have sex.

A Writer For He Man & The Masters Of The Universe, Ladies & Gentlemen

Oh yeah, I should mention that all of the sex scenes are between two women and only one of these doesn’t feature these two actresses.

Definitely Not The Porno For This Guy

Ana wakes up from her vision and is checked on by Carter and Tina. Also, Ana stops them from taking off the mask because they shouldn’t go any further without her uncle being there (that’s her excuse), although as we will see later, there may have been a different reason to keep that mask on. So they all go to class.

So at Prof. Moore’s class, we see that all the female students have the hots for him and of course are in their most provocative of outfits.

Meanwhile, Ana goes to visit Uncle Wallis.

Hey, Richard Lynch

Ana wants to borrow a book on Ancient Egypt. She says she probably wants it because of the mummy they just looked at. Wallis says that they jar he was looking at is from that collection and someday he will get around to looking at all his stuff. So he gives her a book on mummies and Ana leaves.

In class, Carter talks about how he hates talking about the Crimean War. Carter is a bit stiff so Tina gives him a massage.

Thankfully It Isn’t A Mongoose Technique Like The Last Film

Oh and apparently, Carter and Ana are engaged so I guess it is okay in this universe for professors and students to hook up. I believe everywhere else, you would get fired for that unethical stuff. So Ana shows up and Tina backs off, unless Ana got the wrong idea about a massage. Ana busts on Carter asking if there is some rule about teachers and students fraternizing. Um…honey, you are engaged to a professor and everyone seems okay with it. That is completely hypocritical, Ana. And also, Tina is an assistant, not a student….that I am aware of. Oh and Ana is worried about someone coming in so……I guess this is some secret, except Tina knows about it and Wallis knows about this to.

That night, Dick and Chuck are locking up when Dick wants to see the mummy for himself. Chuck is against such an idea, but when he goes to get coffee, Dick decides he’s going to see the mummy anyway. Dick decides to be the one to remove the mask.

The mummy grabs Dick, and with all the smoke coming out of him, you can guess he dies.

Well, I Guess A Mummy’s Touch Can Kill You In This As Well, It Just Isn’t A Fungus That Will Do It To You So It Is More Optional.

So Chuck comes back with the coffee and realizes that Dick probably checked out the mummy. Of course Chuck runs into the mummy instead.

Dammit John Carl Buechler…..These Effects Are Too Good To Be In A Porno

Chuck tries to shoot at the mummy, but it does not good. Then it transforms into a beautiful lady.

You Wouldn’t Shoot At A Pretty Woman Like Me, Would You? Doesn’t Matter…As Has Been Shown, Bullets Have No Effect On Me.

Hor-Shep-Sut says some words and puts Chuck under her spell. He then takes his essence…or as it is called here, ka.

I’m Sure That Kiss Was Worth It

She is gonna have to do more than kiss to get my ka.

Oh Will You Stop?

And yes, that was my honoring the late Bobby The Brain Heenan who Gorilla Monsoon used to say that to.

RIP Bobby Heenan

So now Chuck is basically a slave to the resurrected sorceress, she says they have much work to do, and they leave.

The next day, the three girls from earlier named Shiva, Carrie, and Jeanette (still in the same clothes) once again try to hit on Prof. Moore and he says hello to them to while Tina is with him, basically remarking that they are groupies for him. He then says he bets when Tina was a student, she also had a crush on her ancient history professor. Tina says that yes she did and it was he who was her professor. He takes a call from Dr. Harwa, who tells him about the supposed break-in at the warehouse. Basically, the only thing that was taken was Dr. Harwa’s ancient Egyptian collection, including the mummy. He finds it odd that nothing else was taken as some of the artifacts are of equal value on the black market. Basically, the police feel it was an inside job, but have nothing else other than that. Prof. Moore says that whoever did this is going to have one hell of a time trying to sell it all. Harwa says that doesn’t matter as he has some ominous feeling of evil about the mummy. Basically, Harwa has a feeling that some bad shit is going to go down.

Ana heads home and gets the message on her answering machine from Carter about the robbery, but he still wants to have dinner with her. Meanwhile at a run-down theater, Hor-Shep-Sut and Chuck have set up shop and the mask is on a random statue. She summons Osiris and Isis.

Anyone Wanna Walk Like An Egyptian?

Osiris calls her evil one and asks what she wants. She wants to find Hat-Em-Akhet and be joined once again with her love. Isis says that first she must find the host body and then Osiris says she must strengthen her power even more, despite the Amulet of Osiris she already has giving her power. She of course must do this to have enough power to summon the princess’ immortal spirit. She can do this by find young beauties and stealing their kas with a kiss. They say she must accomplish those first and then they will say the last thing she must do.

Ana arrives late to class and is about to talk about the Crimean War again, but with the theft of the mummy, he has decided instead to talk about Egyptian mummies. He talks about some Ancient Egyptian facts. When asked about curses and mummies coming back to life, he says those are only in the movies. While mummies coming back to life is only in the movies, the curses part might have some validity to it considering there are quite a few coincidences that happened to some of the discoverers of these tombs. Later on, class ends and Moore talks to Ana about almost missing class, but she apologizes and seems alright with dinner tonight. Also lunch with him also seems to be okay with her, but she needs to freshen up first.

Then Hor-Shep-Sut shows up using the name Ramsay Amun. She talks about picking up Moore’s class next semester as she loves Ancient History, especially Ancient Egypt. Aw…a woman kinda after my own heart, although I also love Ancient Greece and Ancient Rome, mostly on the mythology side…let’s get back to the movie. Ana comes back in interested in someone being Egyptian. The two meet and it is obvious to Ramsey that Ana is the vessel of her long dead lover’s spirit. Ramsey asks Ana out to lunch and Moore accepts that he will only see Ana for dinner.

At lunch, Ramsay enjoys the coffee a lot. Ana keeps trying to remember where they have met before and after their past selves flashbacks of them having sex, Ramsey says that perhaps she will remember soon. Ramsey hints that Ana may have the blood of the pharaohs running in her veins and Ana is a little confused by this. Oh and Ana admits her and Carter are having a thing, although now she is unsure of everything. Yeah, we may need the heads at this college to look at Prof. Moore for unethical behavior. Ramsey says that maybe Carter is not the right one for her as she rubs her hand.

Not Very Subtle, Are You, Ramsey?

She then says maybe Ana should give her body, soul, and heart to someone else who deserves it. They leave after that and Ramsey gives her another Amulet of Osiris, which Ana accepts. Back at the school, two women (Helena and Yvonne) come to Prof. Moore to talk about their papers (which are due next month), but are really trying to come on to the Professor by showing their breasts.

Dear God, Man!!!!

Moore is very flustered by these two girls coming on to him when someone tries to enter, but the door is locked. Realizing that their attempt has been foiled, the two girls put their tops back on and unlock the door before leaving. The person who was wanting to get in was the assistant Tina, who the two girls think the Professor may be in a relationship with.

Remember That For Later.

Oh and outside, the two reveal that their attempt to get with the professor failed and they instead need to find something to be a topic for their paper. They also hint at hooking up later tonight as they need to get rid of some pent-up energy. Ramsey notices them and realizes she may have found her beauties who she needs to take kas from.

Carter goes by Ana’s place for dinner, Carter looks at her and doesn’t think her skimpy outfit will pass the restaurant’s dress code. After being let in, Carter tries to make some moves on Ana, but the eyes of Ramsey fade in and that causes Ana to now not be in the mood. Ana then says that she is not feeling well and she is going to have to take a rain check on dinner tonight. The professor is also interested in the amulet, but Ana doesn’t say much of it other than that it is old.

We go to Helena and Yvonne in a bedroom still trying to figure out a topic while an old mummy movie plays in the background (a short that Donald Glut made years before this film and when he was not a professional filmmaker yet). The two reveal that they need to pass this course and eventually, the two start having sex with each other.

From A Writer Of Transformers (The Original Cartoon)

Back at the theater, Hor-Shep-Sut gets some blood out of Chuck into a cup.

This Does Not Kill Chuck Though Although The Way It Is Framed, It Looks Like It Could Hit An Artery That Would Kill Him.

She uses this spell to teleport into the girls’ room.

Hi There

She pretends like she is gonna have a three way with the girls, but instead she kisses them and steals their kas.

Carter meets with Wallis to ask if anything new has come up the robbery and Wallis says no. Wallis says it was fortunate for him that he brought some of these artifacts to his office for study before the robbery. Wallis reveals that he got the heart of Hor-Shep-Sut in a jar and a scroll explaining what happened. Basically, the pharaoh tried to get his daughter Princess Hat-Em-Akhet married and for every suitor, she turned them down. This happened because the princess was in love with the sorceress Hor-Shep-Sut. We then get another love scene between the two.

A Writer Of The Original Spider-Man Cartoon As Well As Spider-Man And His Amazing Friends

It turns out the pharaoh learned of this and was furious so he made his Nubian guards seize the sorceress.

There was no trial and the sorceress was punished with death and a curse. She was tied up as the embalmers put the Mask of Osiris on her, making her spirit trapped in her body and never going to the afterlife.

Yeah, If You Have Ever Seen Mario Bava’s Black Sunday (Otherwise Known As The Mask Of Satan As Well As Revenge Of The Vampire), You Know Where Donald Glut Got This Mask With Spikes For The Eyes From.

The embalmers then cut out her heart, which in this case was the only internal organ removed (they normally remove all the other organs out of the body and have a certain pick that goes through the nose and takes out the brain).

They then put her in a sarcophagus.

One That Might Have Been Too Big For Her

And buried her in an unmarked tomb.

Although They Decided At Some Point To Only Carry The Cover Because Less Weight For The Actors.

Oh And Richard Lynch Might Be Trying To Hide That He Is Flipping Off The Camera.

Carter doesn’t believe any of this. But Wallis says he has been an archeologist for many years and if he has learned one thing, it is to never take the superstition of his people lightly. Yeah, they are trying to say he is part Egyptian, but yeah right on that. Richard Lynch was born to Irish Immigrants. The closest he came to being Egyptian is the one time he took LSD and set himself on fire in Central Park behind the Metropolitan Museum of Art near Cleopatra’s Needle, which is why his face is rather scarred. Look it up, he legit did that.

Carter then says he came here to discuss Ana, as she has been acting rather different. Wallis then makes Carter to look at the scroll and they both see that Ana kind of looks like Princess Hat-Em-Akhet. Wallis warns that forces may be at work here. Carter goes to leave, but Wallis stops him and wants him to give an amulet that was on the jar that contained the sorceress’ heart to Ana as it will protect her against evil.

Back at the theater, Helena and Yvonne are dressed up in Handmaiden’s attire.

Hor-Shep-Sut summons Osiris and Isis again, saying she strengthen her power with the kas of Helena and Yvonne, who are now her handmaidens. She also says she has selected the body to receive the soul of the princess and….wait a minute. They said they needed her to find the vessel that the soul of the princess is trapped in. Dammit…movie, you can’t change the damn rules mid movie. Anyway, it is basically time for the god and goddess to tell her what to do next. Osiris says she must perform the sacred ritual that will join the sorceress’ heart with that of Hat-Em-Akhet. But Hor-Shep-Sut reveals that her heart was taken and Osiris says she must then find her heart as it still exists. Isis says the heart is where it should be.

The next day, the three groupie women from before are in the classroom waiting for the Professor. They are worried about the professor and think something is bothering him. They trash his fiancée and his assistant, when the assistant shows up, surprisingly not hearing them. They say the professor better show up and hint that they are only in this class for him as they really don’t like ancient history. The professor shows up with a slide show device and reveals he needs to take care of something so his assistant will have to teach class today. Of course he leaves and the three groupies leave too. They talk to Prof. Moore and like the last two women, try to hit on him by showing their breasts.

*Sigh* I Can Only Sigh At This Point

He leaves, basically brushing them off. Meanwhile, Ramsay comes to Ana’s house. Ramsey once again hints at her being a princess. Ramsey asks for coffee as she likes coffee now. Ramsey asks about her interest in ancient Egypt and Ana says she guesses it is influence from her uncle. Ana apologizes for it being Decaf, but Ramsey doesn’t mind. Ana then reveals that her uncle is Dr. Wallis Harwa, the archeologist. She also says that her uncle found the tomb of Hor-Shep-Sut. She talks about the robbery, as well as the fact Wallis kept some of the artifacts in his office and of course, that clues Ramsey in on who has her heart. Ramsey then puts Ana’s hand on her heart after kissing it and Ana still doesn’t get the hint that she is attracted to her, still asking where they know each other from. Ana also says it is strange that she can’t feel Ramsey’s heartbeat. They are about to kiss when Carter enters the house. Ramsey leaves as Carter wants to talk to Ana about something.

Carter says something is happening to Ana and he doesn’t know what. Carter asks if Ana still loves him and Ana says she isn’t sure she ever really did. Ana apologizes to Carter if she hurt him, but the engagement is basically off now. Carter wonders if it is that Ramsey woman as Ana looks outside and sees Ramsey looking at her.

I See You When You Sleep

Ana goes back to talking to Carter as Ramsey teleports away. Ana says that she and Ramsay are longtime friends and even Carter finds that hard to believe. Ana basically tells Carter to leave.

At the café later, Tina reveals to Carter that the slideshow presentation went off without a hitch. She senses something is wrong with him and asks about it. Prof. Moore basically admits that he thinks that Ana just dumped him. Tina apologizes and says she knows how much her boss loved her. Carter doesn’t understand it all as one minute they are in love and the next, they aren’t. Carter then says it is that woman. He better not start punching like Flesh Gordon did. Tina tries to have him maybe forget about Ana. Carter says that maybe Tina is right, but he is still worried about her.

Ramsey has gone to the university and asks some teachers where Dr. Harwa is. They direct her to her office and after she leaves, they kind look at each other like Harwa is about to get some. Carter calls Dr. Harwa and admits that Wallis may be onto something with his niece. Carter also says that Ramsey looks like Hor-Shep-Sut on the scroll. Suddenly, Ramsey opens the door to Dr. Harwa’s office. Wallis drops the phone and Carter wonders what is going on. The sorceress says that the archeologist might have something of hers. Wallis tries to play dumb, but Hor-Shep-Sut isn’t falling for it. Harwa tries to stop her, but she uses magic to cause him to have heart issues. Ramsey finds the jar that has her heart and grabs it. Wallis asks what this sorceress has done with his niece and Hor-Shep-Sut says nothing as of yet, but with some time Ana will realize her true identity and her destiny. Harwa tries to stop her once last time, but she uses more force on her spell and leaves Harwa gasping for air. Carter tries to call the professor again, but it is a busy signal so they run to his office.

Back at Ana’s house, Ana is still reading that book on mummies when the amulet glows and she is whisked away into another moment between Princess Hat-Em-Akhet and Hor-Shep-Sut.

Where The Sorceress Gave The Princess That Same Amulet Too.

She gets up and takes off her engagement ring, signifying the relationship between her and Carter is finally over.  Meanwhile, Hor-Shep-Sut is getting fanned by Chuck while she drinks another cup of coffee.

Better Be Careful You Don’t Drink Too Much Coffee Or You Will End Up Like Tweek From South Park

For some reason, Ana arrives to the run down theater and is immediately grabbed by the possessed Helena and Yvonne.

Ana is taken to Hor-Shep-Sut who she realizes is Ramsey. Hor-Shep-Sut reveals there is no Ramsey and there soon will be no more Ana. Back at the office, Carter and Tina find Dr. Harwa dying from the spell the sorceress put on him. Tina calls for an ambulance as Wallis tells Carter that the Hor-Shep-Sut is alive and Ana is in danger. He begs the professor to save his niece as he dies.

Tina is saddened by his death as Carter consoles her and they leave to save Ana. Back at the theater, the handmaidens have put Ana in the clothes that the Princess wore (how the sorceress had them is anyone’s guess). Oh and any problem Ana may have to her soul being taken is undone when Ana and Hor-Shep-Sut have sex.

One Time Writer For Captain Caveman And The Teen Angels, GI Joe, Johnny Quest, DuckTales, Dino-Riders, The Original Land Of The Lost, And Challenge Of The Go-Bots

It is night and finally Carter and Tina have reached the theater. They are first met by Chuck who tries to shoot them.

While this is all going on, the sorceress is performing the ceremony and is told by Osiris and Isis to cut out her heart so the two hearts could be joined forever.

How Much You Wanna Bet Osiris Is Only Doing This Because He Had To Pay Off A Bet He Lost To Anubis? Isis Of Course Being There To See How It Goes.

Of course Carter and Tina try to wrestle the gun away from Chuck and the gun kills Chuck instead. But the gunfire attracts the attention of Hor-Shep-Sut and the handmaidens. The two handmaidens are tasked to deal with this. Chuck apologizes for all he has done and begs them to stop all of this as he dies.

Dammit…The Black Guy Almost Survived The Whole Movie

The two handmaidens show up and knock out Carter. They then try to molest Tina for some reason, ripping off her clothes so her breasts are showing.

Tina grabs the amulet handed by Carter to her, which was given by the late Dr. Harwa as protection and puts it on them, causing them to smoke and go down, but not kill them.

Tina wakes up Carter as they move to save Ana. Hor-Shep-Sut is about to finish the ceremony by plunging the dagger into Ana and getting her heart, but Carter and Tina show up. Carter tries to shoot her, but the gun has no bullets.

Uh Oh

Hor-Shep-Sut says her power has grown a lot and she can do things to them like never imagined. Then her eyes glow and Carter goes down in pain.

The sorceress goes to stab him.

Stabby Stabby

But for some reason she leaves Tina alone so Tina can grab the Mask of Osiris and shove it on Hor-Shep-Sut’s face.

Enjoy Halloween, Lady

This causes the sorceress to suffer in pain as her powers are gone and Isis shows up for one last time.

You Stupid Bitch!!! Now Osiris Can’t Pay Off His Damn Bet!!!

The sorceress grabs on to Ana’s comatose body for one last time (turning one of Ana’s highlights from blonde back to brunette like the rest of her hair) as Isis turns her back into a mummy.

The mummy then falls down dead. Now remember that whole thing about the students believing that Carter was boinking his assistant? Well, it pays off here as Carter and Tina kiss so they are now a couple.

Helena and Yvonne show up wondering what happened and why are they in the outfits they are in. Ana also wakes up and also wonders what is going on and they all leave with Ana smiling at the case the holds Hor-Shep-Sut’s heart. Carter and Tina then reseal the mummy and put it into special storage so it can never be opened again until some foolish archeologist decides to check it out again.

Or Somehow The Cast Of Storage Wars Get That Storage Unit

Oh, by the way, that would be the ending. But in case you didn’t get the hints, it is revealed plain and simple that Hor-Shep-Sut did transfer her soul into the body of Ana and now Ana is still around as we are reshown the events with the mummy that came to this moment.

The credits have the handmaidens from the past visions which I never showed dancing and our movie is over with threat of a sequel. Well, a sequel did come out, but it is a completely different story with a different cast. I’m not inducting that one now as we are finally finished with this summer.

Oh, but you will induct The Mummy’s Kiss 2nd Dynasty next time I win. Oh, you will.

Well, I won’t have to worry about that for a while so let’s get into the aftermath with the cast. Like I said, Mia Zottoli (who played Hor-Shep-Sut/Ramsey) was engaged to Thomas Haden Church and has to kids from him, but the two have since separated. Her last movie was Blood Scarab in 2008 where she played an evil mummy/sorceress named Hor-Sep-Sut (yes, they just removed the H there). Sasha Peralto (who played Ana/Princess Hat-Em-Akhet (was also in Blood Scarab as Princess Hat-Em-Akhet (didn’t change her name), but her last film was in 2011 and it was called Within: Terror Resides. Regina Russell (who played Helena) retired from films in 2008 and married the drummer from Quiet Riot Frankie Banali, his second wife after his first wife passed away in 2009. Richard Lynch (who played Dr. Harwa) continued with his career as a low budget actor who sometimes appeared in something important until his death in 2012 of a heart attack at the age of 72.

My thoughts on the movie are……it’s actually okay. For a porn version of the many and many Mummy movies, it does its damn job well. The actresses are attractive and they mostly cared about the story first and the sex scenes second. I can see why there is an R-rated cut of this film and the effects are great. Unfortunately, the acting at times does leave a bit to be desired and you can tell that Richard Lynch was probably just doing this for a damn pay check. It’s not the best porn I’ve inducted (Flesh Gordon gets that mark), but it is better than most of the terrible porn films.

Well, the Summer of Porn Part 2 is over and oh look, NegaSeth is back.

Did You Miss Me??

As much as I missed a rash on my groin.

Yeah, well I enjoyed your induction on The Erotic Ghost

Of course you did. You love to see me suffer. Anyway, October is coming up so you know that means I’m doing a theme month and this time, it’s a month to honor the memory of Tobe Hooper, who has passed away. I gave us 8 films to nominate since you were still not available for the poll and since you are back, I’ll give you the honor of announcing the winner.

It would be my honor to watch you suffer through some crap that was made by the guy who made Texas Chainsaw Massacre. So let’s see what it is…

*NegaSeth looks at the winner and is not amused*

You did this just to piss me off with the fact that it’s a movie that you are not going to suffer through.

I Think This Smile Answers That Question Quite Well

You prick…

That’s funny coming from a guy who would find me calling you that a compliment. So go on, do what you normally do and tell me what I induct next.

Fine…your next film is going to be an insane film that deals with a killer old school press. It also will be your first film dealing with Robert England the actor, not the director. It is another movie based on a Stephen King short story that you have dealt with before and has the name of…