Saturday, November 4, 2017

Impact Implosion for 11/02 - The Final Impact Before BFG 2017

Before we begin, we did record a show last week, but it was lost so it never aired. My opinion about last week's Impact was it sucked and gave it a grade of I for Incomplete as it was more to feature matches from other companies than promote their Wrestlemania which when that show was airing, was in two weeks. Our decision was not to talk about the show for the most part again because it wasn't worth talking about.

Now that we have got that travesty out of the way, this week's show still got a D, which is bad for the go-home show to your biggest ppv of the year, but it was better than last week where they basically put little effort into it. We also got to talk about the multiple people who have jumped off the ship including one of my favorites in Rockstar Spud, which made both myself and Mike sad. This and the LAW radio news really makes me think this may be the last Bound For Glory ever, but I have been wrong before and may be wrong again. Oh and we once again touched upon the horrible Impact pizza with Impact drink. And finally, we do preview what may be the 2nd worst promoted Bound For Glory ever (the first one was the show in Tokyo that they only told us what the matches were on a day before the show). 

Saturday, October 28, 2017

Monster Crap Inductee: The Mangler (1995)

Monster Crap Inductee: The Mangler
Three Big Names In Horror Shake Hands With Crap

1995

With the passing of Tobe Hooper in August, I wanted to do a Tobe Hooper directed film and oh boy, did we pick a doozy of a film. This is a film that had three big names hyped for this film before anyone saw the film. We had Tobe Hooper (director of Texas Chainsaw Massacre) in the director’s chair, we had Robert England (Freddy Kruger) starring in it, and we had a story based on best-selling horror author Stephen King. Unfortunately, it is based on a short story from one of his compilation of short stories (like Graveyard Shift, a film I inducted) and unfortunately, this was a short story that should never have been made into a film that would be in theaters. Kind of like what the original Lawnmower Man story which is a lawnmower who is secretly a satyr who gets naked and eats the grass.

I Know There Was A Movie Called Lawnmower Man. But The Makers Of That Film Changed That Film So Much That Stephen King Rightfully Sued To Have His Name Taken Off.

But yeah, not all Stephen King short stories should not be made into feature films. But let’s get into Robert Englund, who while this is the first induction where we talk about his acting, this is not the first time we have profiled him as I inducted a film he directed called 976-EVIL. But thankfully, he talked about that film in his book (which he promoted at the convention I was at).

I Got His Picture And Autograph There

Anyway, in his book, he said he still would direct the film again because it was at that film that he met a set decorator named Nancy Booth. The two fell in love and she became his second and current wife. So yeah, just because you have the bad film associated to your name doesn’t mean that the film is all a complete wash and you probably would still be in the movie again.

The other star in this movie was Ted Levine (“Buffalo Bill” Jame Gumb in Silence of the Lambs).

You Better Put That Damn Lotion On Your Skin. You Don’t Want The Hose Again.

There are also two people from Monster Crap past besides Robert Englund in a directorial role and a story being based off a Stephen King film. We have Demetre Phillips (who played Sgt. Bell in 976-EVIL) and Todd Jensen, who you might remember from the horrible movie Raging Sharks.

Yeah, He Was The Bad Guy (Well, Other Than The Sharks)

There are also a few that were in films riffed by either Mystery Science Theater or Rifftrax (you do the research on that one as I don’t care).

Now why is this film so bad? Besides the subtitle giving you a hint, let’s start inducting The Mangler.

We begin this film at a Laundry Press business that seems rather old fashioned (even by 1995 standards) called Gartley’s Blue Ribbon Laundry Factory.

There is Stanner The Foreman

And here is our title screen.


And then we see the machine folding a sheet.


Now when I say this is a giant laundry press machine.

I Am Not Kidding

We then meet the kindly old lady named Mrs. Frawley

Oh Bless Your Heart, Kindly Old Lady…This Film Is So Going To Kill You

Anyway, Mrs. Frawley talks to another lady named Sherry.

Oh And The Woman Next To Her Is Named Lin Sue

She has that quality of not being nice and she is also the new girl as a friend of Sherry’s says.

Her Name Is Annette. 

Mrs. Frawley gives Lin some advice and warns her not to be like her at this stage. Lin says she will keep that in mind. Two guys try to move an old ice box as Sherry and Annette put their sheet into the machine and Sherry tries to pull a lever to get a bigger load into it, but Sherry cuts herself.


The foreman makes her keep working and she sprinkles some of the blood on the machine.


Unfortunately, this also causes the dopes to drop the ice box and hit Sherry with it.


Something shocks the ice box and it falls on the other side. Annette and Mrs. Frawley go to check on Sherry as they bandage up her major cut. Then we meet the boss Bill Gartley.

Robert Englund In Prosthetics, Everyone

He is definitely an older man who is on crutches and has his legs in braces. Annette says that the two idiots with the ice box almost killed Sherry. Sherry keeps saying she is okay despite her friend Annette saying she may need stitches. Stanner asks Mr. Gartley what they should do and Mr. Gartley makes them keep working while sending the icebox away. Mr. Gartley says life is a bitch and then you die. Stanner does what he is told, but you can tell by him putting his hand and handkerchief on his forehead that he is a little not happy with this move.

Or He Could Be Wondering How After Being In 976-EVIL, He Could Agree To Do This Movie.

The two idiots put the icebox in the truck and take it away as we are welcomed to the town of Rikers Valley, Maine

I Always Wonder Whose Job It Is To Put The Population Number On Those Signs. That Must Be A Pain In The Ass To Do.

We go to a house where we meet widowed detective John Hunton, whose wife died in a way we will reveal later.

You Can Also Tell By His Speech That He Is A Bit Despondent With Life And Drinks A Lot.

He drives to work and nearly crashes into the truck who makes a left turn with no turn signal.


John rightfully chews out the guys in the truck while also revealing himself to be a cop, but let’s go back to the factory.

Mrs. Frawley is working on the machine and seems to need some antacids. As she is looking at Sherry’s situation, she nearly puts her hand near the machine and the machine mysteriously starts opening, when it shouldn’t.

Come On, Lady….Put Your Hand A Little Closer. I’m A Bit Hungry.

She puts her hand away and the machine closes its safeguard so she doesn’t notice anything funny. Back to the driving scene, John wants to see the license and starts giving out tickets as Mr. Gates driver’s license has expired. But the two klutzes accidentally drop the ice box on him.


They get it off of him, but John is now in an even worse mood, calling them numbnuts. Back at the factory, Sherry looks at Mrs. Frawley and she feels a pinch as her cut starts bleeding again through the bandages.


Those antacids aren’t working enough for Mrs. Frawley as she needs more. Unfortunately for her, Stanner yells and it startles her enough to fling up some pills onto the rolling press although not all the way into the machine.

Could Have Used Some Tums Instead Of Some Generic Antacids Pills

Bad news for Mrs. Frawley, those ones on the machine are the only antacids she has left. So instead of turning off the machine for a minute to get the pills, she tries to get the pills out of the machine.


The machine opens its safeguard and starts eating Mrs. Frawley.


You know as horrifying as this scene of them trying to save Mrs. Frawley, but ultimately failing and Mr. Gartley upset that another accident is happening, I can’t help but play this as this is going on.


They eventually stop the machine and Stanner is horrified with how Mrs. Frawley is coming out of the machine. John gets the call about the accident while he is giving tickets and just dumps the tickets as he leaves. He heads over to the factory and everyone tells him how gruesome it is. But since John is a police officer, he of course has to take a look and…

Yeah, It’s Pretty Bad

We also meet the cameraman of the city who just goes by Pictureman.

Another Person In Prosthetics To Make Him Look Older Than He Actually Is.

Pictureman says how horrible it is and despite thinking for as long as he is working that you would get used to stuff like this, you never do. John immediately pukes.


Sherry comes in try to say it was all her fault as she wasn’t strong enough to save Mrs. Frawley, but really...no cop in their right mind would legit believe this situation was her fault based on that. Annette talks about the machine being horrible and it makes her sick that they have to use that monstrosity. Annette gives John an extra set of antacids that Mrs. Frawley had (which kind of still makes you wonder why she wanted those pills from the machine).

Then a bunch of cars pull up. It is the judge, the sheriff, and another guy.

Oh And The Other Guy Is Played Obviously By Todd Jensen

He goes to follow them, but is stopped when he seems the EMTs bring out the body of Mrs. Frawley in a bucket.


He then goes in and sees as all three men basically say the machine is fine so they can begin work again. That night, John has drinks with his brother-in-law Mark Jackson, you know, from that dead wife and all…who is also his next door neighbor, who lives in the woods.

He Is Also Very Mystical

We find out know that John has been “chasing corpses” for 14 years and Mark thinks he needs to get a more relaxing hobby. Mark also reminds John that his late sister really did love him. John just wants to hang in there for 20 years so he can retire and get his pension so he can get out of this town. A tiny decorative watermill reminds him of the laundry press that is called a Mangler. He talks about the accident and despite how disgusting the result was and despite the safety bar failing to prevent it from happening, the factory will be open tomorrow as if nothing happened. Mark says there has always been some strange crap going on in this town and they used to burn witches 10 miles from where they are. But John doesn’t want to hear about the political-mystical bullshit. So John is just going to get drunk instead.

The next day, work goes as usual when another accident happens. This time a steam pipe breaks off and burns Annette.

And Again, Nothing Will Be Done About It

Lin Sue goes towards Mr. Gartley and Gartley tells her to go inside. Gartley tells her she better get used to the machine and talks about how when he found her, she was on the streets. He also says he is a generous man and he is a man of his word about the benefits. He then tells Lin Sue to go freshen up. She gets ready to do so and then asks if Gartley would like come to keep her company. Well, Mr. Gartley adjusts his leg braces and puts away the crutches so you know some sleazy shit is going on between these two.

Yep…This Is The Type Of Bastard Who Knows How To Be Sleazy

Oh and we get to see him without his glasses.

He Looks Like The Guy Who Was Murdered In The Telltale Heart Story By Edgar Allen Poe With His Hawk Like Eye

It is night time now (which may be the right time for some people). John receives a phone call about another accident at the factory and instead of going to the factory, he goes to the hospital as this time, the victim lived.

Although She Is Pretty Badly Burned

The doctor tries to say she is unable to speak at this time, but John doesn’t care what the doctor thinks. She tells them about what happened and says Stanner told her that there must have been a surge from the boilers. She admits that all this crazy stuff started when Sherry cut herself on The Mangler. Mark (who came with John) asks if there was blood on the machine and Annette says there was. The doctor then says that Annette needs some rest so the detective and his mystical brother-in-law leave. But first, Annette says that Mr. Gartley watches Sherry like a hawk since she was adopted by him out of high school. She also says that it is almost like that machine had tasted blood and liked it.

While in the car, John and Mark talk about the incident. While they are talking, a woman is looking for her son Barry.


Mark asks if that was Mrs. Ellenshaw and John says that it was in his way of not really caring. When they get back home, Mark asks John to come over as there is something important he wants to show his brother-in-law. John is hesitant, but Mark is insisting that it is really important. When in the house, Mark shows him a book on the occult. He asks if John ever considered that the machine may be haunted, John of course laughs off that assertion.

Mark wants John to play along with him and talks about how a demon possession. John says what they should do is grab it by the neck and shove a bunch of cloves of garlic up its butt. Mark wants him to be serious as he believes this stuff is for real. John basically tells him to knock it off as this is bullshit.

Back at the factory, everyone goes home after a hard day’s work and several people leer at Lin Sue before they leave, not trusting her after being in Gartley’s office the whole time after the incident. The machine makes noise and Lin Sue decides to investigate when Mr. Gartley comes from his office. The machine is about to eat Lin Sue, but Stanner saves her as the boss merely watches on. Mr. Gartley wants Stanner to bring her to him even though the foreman thinks she is actually hurt and she needs a doctor.

Back at the house, Mark is still trying to convince John of the demon possession idea. He talks about The Hand of Glory, which is belladonna or deadly nightshade. John reads the book and gets to the part about the blood of a virgin. Mark tries to say that witches, demons, and spirits are all part of nature. He thinks that demons are a force like electricity, as sometimes it gets out of control and people get hurt. He says that the most powerful spells almost always involve belladonna and yes, they do have to say it is a plant. Also the most common ingredient in all these spells is the blood of a virgin. Mark then thinks that Sherry is the type and John just laughs. He then sarcastically says that he will go right over to Sherry’s house, knock on the door, and ask if she is a virgin as it is part of a police investigation. John talks about how he could see his report now and that the town will tar and feather him while running him out of town on a rail.

Mark convinces John to at least talk to her so they drive over there. The dispatcher’s voice explains her history and why she now lives with Mr. Gartley (who is her uncle and legal guardian). The dispatcher asks who will pay for her overtime with this info and John just tells her to take it out of his pension. So they go over to the Gartley’s place and ask Sherry questions as her legal guardian isn’t home right now. But before that, John tells Mark to not say a single word. John sees all the dolls Sherry has and instead of being a little weirded out, he thinks they are cute. He asks about her hand getting cut on a clamp and she said she did it while she was getting away from the icebox. That is false as if you remember, she cut her hand and sprayed the blood on the machine before that crap happened. John asks if the icebox hit the safety bar and she believes it did, as there were bright sparks everywhere. He thinks that is all and Sherry tearfully talks about Mrs. Frawley was like a mother to her. Mark tries to say something and John tries to stop him with the icebox hitting the safety bar, but the dumbass, despite being told to not say anything, asks if Sherry is a virgin. It goes about as well as you could expect as Sherry is in hysterics and tells them to get the fuck out of the house.

Outside, John wants to rightfully kick the shit out of his brother in law. Mark tries to say by her reaction, that he was right about her being a virgin. Oh and yes, Sherry is supposed to be a little girl.

Yes, This Woman Is Supposed To Be Under Age

Now, I may not be the best judge of how old someone is, but I really find it hard to believe that she is about to turn 16 (spoiler: they reveal that her 16th birthday is near). But even if I was able to suspend disbelief in her being 16, the hours she supposedly works at the factory which would be considered very hazardous by the Secretary of Labor, is illegal under child labor laws.

Back to the movie, John wants to hear no more about this when he sees the lights of an ambulance in his neighborhood. At Mrs. Smith’s house, they have found the body of Barry.

Kid Was Found In The Ice Box And He Suffocated As He Was Trapped In There.

If you know anything like fridges or in this case, ice boxes…..they seal air tight and can only be opened on the outside so if you get stuck in one with the door close, you don’t have long to live. In fact, there were PSAs talking about the dangers of abandoned or trashed fridges that have doors on them…back when I was young. In fact, it was talked about in one of those GI Joe cartoon endings.

And Knowing Is Half The Battle………GI Joe!!!

Again, back to the movie…..it is shown that this is the same icebox from the beginning that hit the machine. Pictureman takes another picture and this is a hell of a shame. As he is dealing with the grieving family, John then notices that Mark is looking at the icebox.


The woman whose yard the ice box is in says it isn’t her fault as when she came home, the ice box was there and she has no idea where it came from. Mark tells John to have a look at the bloody handprint and they realize it is the same icebox. Mark talks about how there must have been a transference of evil which means the icebox must be possessed too. John think that is bullshit, but that changes when they open it and they notice a bird alive and a bunch of other birds dead. It even gets more obvious when the icebox tries to kill Mark.


John gets his brother-in-law’s hand out of there and grabs a sledgehammer.

It’s Time To Play The Game, Icebox

John goes to town on the icebox and when he knocks off the top to the icebox, a demon comes out of it via a light show.


Everyone is shocked by this and this confirms everything that Mark believed was going on. The pictureman takes John’s picture and wonders how he did magic as that is the first ghost he has ever seen.

Pictureman: Just When You Think You’ve Seen It All, Life Bites You In The Ass

He leaves after that as John & Mark wonder what just happened. The cop who was on the scene comes by and John and Mark tell him to get the thing out of his sight, burn it, bury it, and put a stake through its heart. The brothers-in-law leave and Mark says it is up to them to stop The Mangler. John thinks they should just get some dynamite to blow up the machine. Mark says if they do that, they might release a demon that is trapped in a machine that would love to get out so they need to exorcise the demon instead while it is still trapped. Problem is there are many types of demons so Mark doesn’t know what we are dealing with and one mistake in the rites of exorcism could kill them. It’s kind of like nuclear fission in a way, according to Mark. John says he has to do some thinking and Mark says not to worry as he is with him 100%.

John heads over to the courthouse and what do you know, this town has the morgue there instead of at the hospital or at a funeral home. He then meets with the mortician.

By The Way, That’s The Same Actor As The Pictureman Sans The Prosthetic Makeup.

The mortician talks about Barry (whose body is there) and saves he put up a hell of a fight as he found a broken arm during the autopsy. He also shows Mrs. Frawley and considering what he had (which was in a basket), he said he did pretty well.

I’d Say Considering She Was Just Skin Basically, You Did A Hell Of A Job.

John asks to be alone and the mortician grants him that request as he leaves. John runs out of antacids and takes another bottle from Mrs. Frawley’s purse since that was also there (which once again asks, why she needed to take the pills on the machine). He then asks Mrs. Frawley’s corpse that she won’t mind, will she.

Well, Considering I Am Dead, I Won’t Be Needing Them Although I Wish I Remembered I Had Another Bottle Or I Wouldn’t Have Been Stupid To Try To Get Them Out Of A Moving Machine.

As John considers that he needs to get a light, he is interrupted by the flashing of the camera from Pictureman.

You Know, I Should Save The Cartridges From My Camera For Actually Having To Use Them Instead Of Using Them To Startle The Detective, But Hell, I Just Enjoy Doing It.

Pictureman says Mrs. Frawley actually looks pretty good. John says she looks great and heads out with Pictureman following. Pictureman wants John to come with him to finish that gin game they started, but never finished since John was getting his ass kicked. Pictureman gets the feeling that John doesn’t like him anymore, but John corrects him that it is his job he doesn’t like anymore. Pictureman says he is dying from some kind of disease that is eating him from the inside. John is very sad to hear that he may lose a man he considered a friend and Pictureman tells him not be as we all have to go sometime. He tells the detective that they share the same ghosts and to forgive is divine, especially if you can forgive yourself. The interaction between these two is great and can even bring a tear to your eye.

John asks if he got pictures of that icebox and Pictureman says he did as they are in the dark room getting developed. John asks what that ghost was and the old guy says that we live in strange times. He says that he will have the pictures ready tomorrow and goes downstairs because this courthouse also has the dark room and Pictureman’s headquarters. Hell of a courthouse to have all of that and a morgue. Wonder if they get actual court cases there.

Then for some reason, John goes to the factory. He breaks in through an open window. He comes face to face with the Mangler and as he turns around to light a cigarette, the machine tries to kill him through his jacket that gets caught on the machine.

I’m Not Trying To Kill You Because I See You As A Threat. I’m Doing It Instead Because You Broke Safety Protocols By Wearing Loose Wearing Clothing.

John shoots a piece of his jacket to save himself (although the machine does eventually eat the gun) as Stanner shows up wondering what the detective is doing here. John demands to know where Mr. Gartley is and Stanner says he is out of town. John believes that to believe a lie and barges into the boss’ office.

What Do Ya Know? Stanner Was Lying.

Mr. Gartley sends Stanner out as he will deal with him later while he talks to John. He says that he was expecting to miss him and was so sorry he didn’t meet him earlier. He even compliments John in that he is like a modern day Sherlock Holmes. John doesn’t care and demands to know why the hawk-eyed man hasn’t shut the machine down yet. John says maybe he should shut down the machine himself, but Gartley says that would be a bad career move. John asks if that is a threat and says he will shove those crutches up his lily ass if he does that again. Gartley laughs as he tells the detective that he likes him. Gartley says he wasn’t threatening as threatening would be far too kind. John yells that The Mangler tried to kill him and Gartley stands up while reminding John that he obviously has committed breaking and entering. He says that maybe he should have John arrested and John says he can go ahead and do that. He then says he will have him shut down and calls him a sick son of a bitch. Gartley then tells John that he will not have him tamper with his affairs and threatens to suspend him. John says that all his powerful friends and money don’t mean shit to him. Gartley says has this line.

Gartley: My power has nothing to do with money! Power is energy, power is motivation, power is what holds us together…when they would rather fly apart! It’s a complex world out there, sporty. Many things you do not understand, but…understand this, there’s a little bit of me in that machine and a little bit of it in me. We are the lifeblood of this town.

John wonders what he is talking about and Gartley says we all have to make sacrifices. He then winks at him and turns away. John says that he is right as everything has its price. Gartley tells John to come again as this conversation has been delightful and drive carefully. John pushes the doors wide and shoves Stanner on his way out. The dialogue between Robert Englund and Ted Levine is great for two actors and several scenes in this movie make me wish I was watching a better movie.

After all of that, Stanner comes to Gartley to talk about the machine because yes, he is growing a conscious and he thinks that maybe the machine should be shut down. The boss asks the foreman how long he has worked here and the foreman says 15 years. Gartley says that Stanner has been here so long, he is basically part of the family and soon, Stanner will be helping the elders run this town. Gartley then talks about the machine that he has known since he was a little boy since his dad had bought it and he says that was the best business decision he ever made. Stanner then reveals that laundry press killed the boss’ daughter and it has basically crippled the boss, which Gartley responds that we all have to make sacrifices. The boss also says that machine made him who he is. Stanner then threatens that if Mr. Gartley isn’t going to do anything with The Mangler, then maybe he should. The boss tells his employee not to be a fool as he would throw away a bright future here. Stanner says he has been worried as that machine has been troubling him while gulping down a small cup of whiskey. Gartley tells him to let his conscious be his guide. Um, wrong thing to say since this is his conscious that is causing his worries. Stanner just leaves in anger. The boss then makes a phone call to the sheriff about his issues with John. We also see Lin Sue on the bed and yes, the machine did take a finger from her.


John is driving angrily as he gets a call from the sheriff, who is not happy that he is bothering Mr. Gartley. The sheriff tries to have John take a small vacation, but John isn’t willing to entertain that idea. The sheriff then suspends John before John questions how much Gartley is paying him. The sheriff feels insulted by that allegation (even though it’s true) and fires the detective, also saying he can say goodbye to that pension.

Lin Sue looks at the mirror as we see she is in lingerie. Mr. Gartley comes in and asks how she is feeling while being a perv with one of his crutch feeling her body. Lin says she is feeling strange and she is getting sick. Lin then asks her boss and lover if he is ready for bed, but the hawk-eyed man wants to show her something. He gets from his supply closet the death certificate for his daughter which reveals she was only 16 when she died. Gartley says survival of the fittest is the way of things and then says to Lin Sue that she must have noticed how ideally perfect the town of Rikers Pike is. He then reveals the contract for the machine that his father purchased and shows the back that has his bloody handprint on it.


He says it is his deal with the beast in that machine. Lin asks what is happening to her and Gartley says that a little piece of her is now in The Mangler as the essence of it is in her. He says that he is one of them now and welcome to the club while showing that her hand matches his handprint now. That revelation makes Lin have an evil smile.

Yep…Lin Sue Is Evil Now

I have to stop again because I have another issue and it is this whole idea that Rikers Pike is an ideally perfect town. If you look at this machine and the way the workers (even minors) are working as well as the machine they are dealing with, you would think this was the 1950s or earlier than that. But we have up to date cars for 1995 and this movie never specifically hints that it is in earlier times so I just have to assume the film is in current (1995) times. Basically, the idea that this town is perfect is straight up bullshit.

John drives back home and has a bit of an issue with his jacket getting stuck in the car so he tears it in anger. He goes over to Mark’s place who explains that he has been studying and reveals some of the props needed like holy water and the sigil of Eucharist. They can use that and read some Leviticus to it (both in English and Latin, since Mark knows it). They need to use strictly Christian white magic. Mark then says he was worried about that Hand of Glory part as Belladonna is strong black magic. John said that he looked down the throat of The Mangler and holy water isn’t going to do it. He says it will work since the machine can’t have Hand of Glory or that demon would eat a stack of bibles for breakfast. John hopes he is right as they are on their way to beat the demon machine. I have a feeling you all know where this is going with the Belladonna stuff, but of course, let’s let the movie string us along for now. But before they go to deal with the machine, they need to talk to someone and of course, you can hint that someone is the old Pictureman.

Stanner is still drinking and a friend and coworker of his comes by. He isn’t sure about the idea Stanner has in mind, but the foreman says it must be done. He tells his pal to cut all the power and pull all the brakers as he will start on the fuse. His pal starts destroying the wires as Sherry comes by to talk to her legal guardian. Stanner tells Sherry that she needs to leave and Sherry says that she can’t work here anymore. As Stanner is trying to turn off the machine and Sherry is about to talk to her uncle, The Mangler comes alive and grabs Stammer’s arm.


As Sherry is screaming, the co-worker tries to turn it off, but the wires spark so much he really can’t. Mr. Gartley shows up and Stanner begs him to save him. Lin Sue shows up as Sherry then demands that her uncle do something. His response is so.

Gartley: Do something? She wants me to do something! I’ll do somethin’. I’ll do a little dance. That’s what I’ll do. I’ll do a little dance for ya, Sherry!

Gartley does a dance as best as a man with crutches and leg braces can do before telling Lin Sue that he needs her and they both leave. Stanner then tells his co-worker friend to grab and axe and chop off his arm. Sherry tries to turn the machine off, but like Mrs. Frawley, the machine won’t turn off. The co-worker has some hesitation, but ultimately chops off the foreman’s arm.


Gartley demands that Sherry come to her uncle, but Sherry runs off in terror. Gartley then tells Sue that he used to have all the time in the world and damn Sherry. Sherry heads back to the Gartley mansion and cries at the horror she is in while having blood all over her. And she take a shower to get rid of all that blood.

No, We Don’t Get To See Her Naked!!! She Is Supposed To Be 16, You Pervs!!!!

Unfortunately, when they get there, Pictureman is being carted out on a stretcher as he is dying. This scene is rather powerful as John is trying to tell the old man that he will be alright. Pictureman thanks John for visiting him as he made an old man very happy. They try to get him to breathe into the ventilator, but he refuses and tells John that he left him a present downstairs in his office. He also says John has to exorcise his demons so it won’t possess his whole life. Pictureman pukes at the camera before he dies.


The EMTs put the covers over Pictureman and leave with him. John and Mark go to Pictureman’s office and they see he has plastered old news stories on the wall, including the story where John’s late wife died in a car accident.


John takes the pictures of the icebox incident and looks over them. Mark looks at the headline of John’s wife (also his sister) driving and tries to tell John it wasn’t his fault, unfortunately the detective disagrees as he was driving. Mark says things just happen and people make mistakes, but they need to carry on. Mark finds the present for John on the desk.


Mark gives it to John, who opens it and reveals that it is a scrapbook. The scrapbook shows headline that the daughter of Mr. Gartley and that the daughters of the judge and the sheriff (as well as all the rich people) went missing. And all of this was on their 16th birthdays. They then start to realize that all of these people may have sacrificed their own kids into the machine for power. John also realizes that Sherry is in danger and calls her. She answers, revealing that Stanner is dead. Jeez…losing an arm was that bad for him? I mean, losing an arm fucking sucks more than I could imagine, but I’ve seen pictures of people who lost their entire arm like he did and still lived.

Of course we also find out it is Sherry’s 16th birthday. John tells her to lock all the doors to the place and not let anyone in, especially her uncle. Unfortunately, she finds a birthday cake.


Gartley pops up and tries to get Sherry to blow out the candles. Sherry tells him to just leave her alone and when asked to blow out the candles so she can make a wish, Sherry still doesn’t blow out the candles, but she wishes her uncle was dead. Gartley laughs at this and says she has true Gartley spirit as Lin Sue comes from behind and knocks Sherry to the ground with a baseball bat. As she is held to the ground, Gartley knocks his niece out with the old chloroform method.


As Sherry falls asleep, Gartley tells her that it is either him or her and this prick will always choose himself. Now timeout here. Gartley already got the power here and made the sacrifice so why does he feel the need to make another sacrifice? I mean, what will it gain him? It gains him nothing but the same old power. Now if it is for Lin Sue, that is never established and since it isn’t Lin Sue’s kid, I don’t think she would get anything for Sherry’s sacrifice. I mean, I hate to say this...but unless he were to say want power outside this town, this is just a bad guy doing things because he is the bad guy.

They of course have to take Sherry to The Mangler immediately since I guess after her 16th birthday, the sacrifice deal is no more. John and Mark also immediately drive to the factory and John says they need to go stop the machine now even if Mark has not practiced at all the exorcism words. Mark practices anyway and explains that he will read as John sprinkles the holy water. They then need to break the host and put it on the machine and repeat the incantation. They once again say they don’t have worry about the Hand of Glory, but John has had enough and tells Mark they need to get going.

At the factory, Gartley and Lin try to sacrifice Sherry to The Mangler and get rather close, but they are stopped by John and Mark. Gartley yells they have no right to stop him (even though they have all the right by law to stop him) and fights with John, trying to put John into the machine. Of course, John fights Gartley off and Lin Sue tries to kill Sherry once again, but Mark is there and stops Sherry from being killed. Lin Sue then tries to kill Mark, but Mark stops her. Unfortunately for Lin Sue, her force causes her to fall into the machine instead.


Gartley is sad that Lin is dead and goes all the way to the back of The Mangler to see her mangled corpse.


It is at this point that John punches Gartley when he turns around and the punch makes him fall into the folding part of the machine because laundry presses have that part as well and we saw way early on The Mangler fold a sheet. This is bad news for Gartley who gets folded to death.


Meanwhile, Mark reads the words to start the exorcism.


After watching Gartley die, John comes back to join them for the ritual.


This goes on for a few minutes as the machine roars until it stops. Seems like this is the end right?


Remember those antacids that the machine ate along with Mrs. Frawley? Well, John needs to take some and they find out that a certain ingredient is in those. That ingredient is Belladonna aka the Hand of Glory, as the supposed deadly nightshade does have some medical uses as well. But what does this mean? Well….Mark says it best.

Mark: I think we may be fucked.

And with that, the machine explodes revealing the demon within.

In All Its Terrible CGI Glory. This Was Bad In 1995 So Of Course It Is Mostly Shot In The Dark (They Knew It Was Bad)

John, Mark, and Sherry run towards the basement with the demon following. They try to close the door, but that only is a small obstacle for the giant demon. John asks if Sherry knows a way out of here and Sherry says they can escape via the sewers.

Let’s Hope To Avoid Ghost From Sewer Shark, Lest We Be Called Dog Meat Or Beach Bum

Unfortunately for them, they get stuck and Mark gets killed.


They finally get the door open and go down a long spiral staircase and Sherry decides now is the time to sacrifice herself as she believes in her mind that the demon wants her. She gets her arm chomped by the machine, but thankfully John saves her from dying.


They then jump into the sewers. They get towards the side of the sewer opening and thankfully, the demon is just convinced to leave them alone after a few more roars and some stuff falling as well.


Yeah, the demon just stops chasing them for some reason. You know there has to be more so you can see there is going to be a twist a mile away because a movie like this isn’t going to end with the demon just going away like this wants you to believe. So they escape the sewers and that is it for that night.

The next day, John is waiting in the hospital and gets met by the doctor. The doctor says Sherry will be fine. She lost a lot of blood, but she will recover.  We then have this exchange.

Doctor: You mind telling me what happened?
*John nods*
John: Yeah, I do mind.

The doctor just gives him a look.

Dammit…He Got Me

John asks if he can see her and the doctor says no, she is resting. John goes to leave and then he notices something fishy, but doesn’t really think too much about it.

Or He Also Noticed They Really Didn’t Have The Budget To Make Him Have A Missing Finger And Instead Told Him To Just Bend Is Ring Finger While Waving.

The flag is raised and John just heads home. He looks over the place that his brother-in-law used to live in with all of his spiritual stuff. He gets the mail and a letter from the also recently deceased Pictureman. It basically says that he will find vital information that may save his life. The elders said beware of people with missing thumbs as they have a piece of them in that demon and a dose of the demon in them. You must mean ring fingers because that is the finger that is always missing. So it must be another day as John goes to the factory to give Sherry flowers.

The Doctor Must Have Already Told Him That Sherry Was Dispatched Or He Would Be At The Hospital To Give The Flowers. Tobe, You Have A Scene Missing.

John is dismayed to see that the machine is still in operation.

Not Feeling Any Effects From Blowing Up Two Nights Ago.

And he also sees Sherry like her Gartley in that she is in crutches and knee braces.


Sherry sees John stunned by what he is seeing and shows her hand as she is missing a finger.

Okay, They Had The Budget For Her To Miss A Finger, But Made The Doctor Merely Bend Is Finger To Act Like It Is Missing.

John is heartbroken that after all he went through and with the loss of his friend Pictureman and his brother-in-law Mark, not much has changed except the pawns on the board. Disgusted, John throws the flowers in the trash.


And with John leaving, we end the movie.

Let’s go with the aftermath. When this film came out, it was killed by the critics for its insane plot. However, the film has done a bit better from critics in retrospect. Oh it is still hated by most critics with a 27% on Rotten Tomatoes, but it has a charm that some do like. It must have been a decent success in theaters as there were two straight to DVD sequels afterwards (and those pieces of shit I’ll get to at another time). Most people have basically not done much with one in Todd Jensen being in a movie I already inducted in Raging Sharks. But Robert Englund is still a horror staple and returned as Freddy Krueger in the successful Freddy vs. Jason. Ted Levine would also still get work in films like Shutter Island, Evolution, The Fast & The Furious, The Hills Have Eyes, Memoirs of a Geisha, and the upcoming Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom as well as TV series like Monk and the upcoming The Alienist. Ted also has a distinct voice that has got him some work like in Justice League Animated (Sinestro & Bulldozer), Superman: The Animated Series (Sinestro & Karkull), and while uncredited, he was the voice on the phone of Rusty Nails in the first Joyride movie. Tobe Hooper’s career fell as he never had another movie be in theaters until his death this year.

My opinion of this film is rather conflicted. On one hand, I enjoy the acting and several scenes of dialogue are very effective thanks to some of the acting. Also the gore is practical and I always appreciate that. However, there are a lot of problems with this film like not having an inkling of what time this took place in, some of the effects being really bad (even by 1995 standards), scenes at times feel like they are missing, motivations are unknown at times, and yes, the idea of a killer old-fashioned laundry press is a Stephen King short story that should have never been a film. So for me, this is a mixed bag.

Also I feel I should show the whole Shake Hands With Danger short so here you go.


Now Halloween is coming and next month’s induction was given to you, the fans, since I never got donated the film Blood Freak.

Oh Don’t Feel Too Bad About Getting A Thanksgiving Themed Induction. I Will Change That Next Year.

Oh so Blood Freak will be next year?

Hold on…I never said it would be Blood Freak. I actually had something else in mind.

So let me guess, you are going to make me wait with dread for what you have in mind.

Oh that would be my usual modus operandi, but with this one I feel it will be so soul-crushing for you that I can play my hand a year early.

That bad, huh?

Oh it’s bad. But it takes a special type of film to be soul-crushing and with this film, its soul-crushing nature because you loved the film before it. In fact, you have stated that it is one of your favorite inductions ever.

What wou… wait, Thanksgiving and soul-crushing…no, don’t you dare…

Oh, I will dare. If none of your fans donate to you Blood Freak by next October, your November induction of next year will be…

You Bastard!!!

That I am. But since the next induction is this November, the fans chose and the film is a series that you are very familiar with at this point. A series that also has a type of meat, but not turkey meat like most people eat on Thanksgiving. Instead, you get turtle meat.’’

And Some Calamari Too