Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Belated RIP Mickey Knox

Sometimes, you work so hard, you forget a certain person who died was in a film or you didn't ever know that person died. And because I really only do RIPs for people who are in films already inducted, this does not happen often. Unfortunately this year, it did happen.


On November 15, Mickey Knox died at the age of 91 of natural causes. Of course, many of you might have seen him as Marshal Straneiro in 1994's Cemetary Man, but for the film he was in that got inducted into Monster Crap, that would have to be playing the role of Ray...

Now if you are wondering which character Ray was in the film, in all honesty, I don't know. But the biggest crime is I never mentioned Mickey Knox's past because one of the biggest things I could have mentioned was the guy was actually blacklisted during the Joseph McCarthy era and that he was able to survive that nightmare.

I would also be remised if I didn't mention that Quentin Tarentino (the original scriptwriter for Natural Born Killers) named his lead character in that film after him.

You will be missed, Mickey.

Saturday, December 21, 2013

Monster Crap: Decoys 2 (2007)

Monster Crap Inductee: Decoys 2: Alien Seduction
Feel The Winter Crap


Last December, we here at Monster Crap looked at the film called Decoys, which is about female aliens who need to mate with men, but have the problem that the men who they have sex with freeze from the inside. A really douchy teen finds out about it, but no one believes him. He ends up stopping the aliens with help from his ex-girlfriend (who was an adult when he was a MINOR) and another girl who likes him named Alex. Sadly, more likable characters die while this douche lives until the end. I say until the end because he eventually hooks up with Alex, but he finds out that she is an alien and tries to mate with him as the film ends.

Well, guess what? In this film, he returns to help fight more female aliens who want to mate, led by a character who we all saw in the last film get burnt to bits. Also, this film I guess was lucky enough to know people from the Saw franchise because they got both Dina Meyer and Tobin Bell. Tobin Bell is famous of course for being Jigsaw in the Saw franchise.

Dina Meyer on the other hand may be well known for being in the Saw franchise and in Starship Troopers, but here in Monster Crap, you might also know her from a previous induction of mine.

Yep, She Was Dr. Sheila Casper In Bats

Other than the two returning characters and the two people from the Saw franchise, no one in this film is worth mentioning before this film. So since December is here, let’s get this induction over with so I can enjoy some Holiday cheer.

We open this film with opening film credits and music that you would think would be coming from a current porno movie.

What’s Up…

Of course you had to be here, Porno Pete. But this is not a porn movie so would you please leave?

Actually, no. I will not leave yet. I just wanted to mention that my team made the playoffs while the teams the represent you, NegaSeth, and the fans did not and  my team had the best record so...I get to choose what gets inducted in the Summer of 2014 and trust me, all of them will be porn-tastic.

Damn…okay, I’ll deal with that when the time comes. But can you please now leave so I can continue with this induction?

Yes, I can. See you in the Summer of 2014.

Right…so anyway, we are back and we see a guy trying to get it on with a girl in a car surrounded by snow and if you remember the first Decoys movie, you know what exactly is going to happen.

Or Not, Because A Cop Interrupts, Checking To See If Everyone In The Car Is Alright.

They both say that they are fine and the cop leaves, telling them to stay warm. The girl tells the guy that obviously the cop likes her so the guy better be nice to her or she will have him thrown in jail for being a hard-ass. The guy tries to roll up the window before they get back to the making out, but the girl wants it open. And then…you can guess what happens.

Yep…..Decoys Tentacle Rape Time

And that will be the last we see of that guy so we move to the school and we get the lazy ass opening title crawl.

Then we got to a class that is being taught by Professor Erwin Buckton, played by Tobin Bell.

While I Normally Like To Play Games, There Will Be No Playing Of Games In My Class.

He talks about species being arranged on an evolutionary ladder from bacteria, all the way up to man, but nature is also full of mistakes and today’s mistake could be tomorrow’s new dominant species.

A female student named Stephanie asks that if a higher species is threatened with extinction, are they doomed or can they survive by adapting. Prof. Buckton answers by asking that if mankind was threatened by a reduced gene pool (less reproductive capabilities), what adaptive measures could we take to ensure our survival?

The male student who is next to Stephanie (named Sam) says that they could mate a lot more, which gets a few laugh, but Stephanie doesn’t like hearing that. Buckton responds that in evolutionary terms, quantity is no substitute for quality. The school bell rings and Buckton says their time is up, but next week is exams, which makes sense since when I was in community college, winter meant the end of a semester which would mean that exams would need to be taken to either pass or fail the classes. But Buckton says that his students should not despair because he has prevailed to bring one of his most brilliant grad students in Luke.

Who You Might Remember As The Douchebag “Hero” From The First Film.

But don’t worry because I believe the people who made this film realized that having your main character being a complete douchebag was not wise and have decided to actually make him likable. So no, we will not be having situations where I will be asking for him to freaking die. Now if you are wondering how he could survive from the first film since at the end of that film, it seemed that he was…well…screwed, they will sort of explain that.

Anyway, Luke will be available all week 24/7 to help anyone if they need it. Luke then says that 24/7 is really a figure of speech and if they try to get his help after midnight, then they are going to need some strong adaptive strategies. Now he said this in a more joking matter, so he is not being a douche here, but yeah…hopefully no one will try to test what he said because I do think there will be some trouble if that did happen.

Stephanie talks to Sam about how gorgeous Luke is and Sam just says that he is also way too old for her, which she responds that Luke being old is not necessarily a bad thing. Luke looks out to the window and is startled to see someone from his past.

Oh God…..It’s Constance.

Actually it is not Constance, but just another girl because Luke is just seeing things.

Back to Sam and Stephanie, Sam asks Stephanie why she doesn’t talk to Luke and she says that she didn’t come to college to talk to cute TAs (Teaching Assistants), she came to prepare herself for life’s challenges. Sam then asks but isn’t finding your ideal mate life’s biggest challenge. Stephanie jokes that he needs a cute TA. Sam says you never know, but Stephanie says that what Sam actually needs is someone his age. You can obviously tell that these two are friends although Stephanie might just have a crush on Sam, but Sam is too dumb to see the signs.

Sam goes to his room where his roommates (Peter, Henry, and Nick) are playing multiplayer on one of the Halo games, which since this film was released in 2007 probably means they were playing Halo 2. His roommates get on Sam for not asking Stephanie, but Sam says that he and Stephanie are just friends. Two of his roommates say it is impossible for a girl and a guy to be just friends and one of the roommates says it is possible.

Henry Says It Is Possible

Peter and Nick Say It Is Not Possible

The roommates then decide that since Sam told them that the roommates make having sex with co-eds a competition, to make it an actual competition.

We then cut to Luke, who since he is having visions of Constance again, having a session with Dr. Alana Geisner, who is played by…

Dina Meyer, Who Is Looking As Attractive As Always

Luke says that having the visions again is terrifying and explains what happened in the first film with beautiful alien females with no belly buttons who want to mate with tentacles, but during the act, they may freeze to death their male mates. He then says that now he believes that the stuff that happened beforehand were done by a cult of women who killed their male mates. He explains that Constance was one of them and then remembers what happened at the end of the last film, but explains that after what we saw happen, with her tentacle raping him, he woke up in the hospital alive and they brought in the shrink.

So yeah, what happened to Alex from the last one? Heck if we know. But back to the film, Luke wonders why this is still happening to him and Dr. Geisner believes that she believes his visions are of a much deeper malaise and she prescribes him some pills to help stop the visions. Luke thanks the doctor for her time and the pills.

Back to Sam and the roommates, Sam is repulsed by the idea of a competition. The roommates bring a handicap system on how attractive the girls are and more points for if you have sex with a more attractive woman. Sam doesn’t want to be a part of this competition, but the roommates say that he has to be a part of this unless he is gay or he has a steady girlfriend, which Sam doesn’t qualify for either exception.

We then get a car speeding down the road with a cop about to pull it over. Of course the cop is the fat police officer from earlier and the driver of the car he is pulling over is…

Oh, She Is So A Decoy…

I don’t know who did this woman’s makeup, but if you ever want someone to look not conspicuous, that makeup job does not help. Oh and she has that makeup throughout the film. She then decides to flirt with the police officer, who obviously knows she is doing so. But instead of arresting her for obviously trying to talk her way out of a speeding ticket (going over 40 in a 25 mph zone), he just goes back to his police car and check her license. Of course, the obvious decoy decides to follow him into his car and try to have sex with him.

We then go to Sam and his roommates trying to get to a party in Nick’s car, but the car has issues before Nick is finally able to get it to work.

We then go to the frozen body of the cop.

That Face Is So Not What You Want To Have When They Find Your Body

The guys pass by the body of the cop, which is being looked over by the authorities and the girl who we know is obviously responsible for the cop’s death pass the guys, giving them the come hither look.

Oh Hey…Come Hither And…I Didn’t Kill That Cop!!!

At the party, Nick tells the others to not even bother with phone numbers as if they are not willing have sex with you tonight, it is not worth it. Henry tries already hitting on a brunette with red, blue, and purple highlights who is doing a sociology experiment about how long a girl walks into a party before a guy buys her a drink. He offers to buy her a drink, but the girl says that it is obvious that he wants to do more than buy her a drink (have sex) and she would say yes, but she reveals that she is a lesbian. Nick tries to get Sam to hit on a girl, but he is too awkward that it doesn’t work out, but she does flash him.

Stephanie leaves the library and bumps into Luke, who thought she was Constance. He scares Stephanie and apologizes for doing so, saying she looked like someone he used to know. She admits she is a bit terrified and asks Luke to walk her home so she can feel safe since he is the teaching assistant. He explains where he knew Constance and guess who is looking at the two?

Why It’s Constance.

Now, you might remember that in the movie, Constance was well burnt to a crisp and how she is here is…well, I don’t know because they never explain how she survived.  She is now the new leader of the Decoys and is no longer the person who cares about killing people. In fact, she has no problem if the Decoys with her kill. She meets with the other two Decoys that we saw earlier and one explains that her victim got overly excited, but his vital functions ceased, while the other’s victim was a police officer who she thought was in decent shape, but he didn’t survive the temperature drop. Unfortunately neither were able to dispose of the bodies which makes Constance very unhappy.

But Constance is more than able to help with Luke’s backstory by explaining that he was able to survive because his body temperature went down slowly and that helps. Of course because of that, he knows of their existence so they have to watch over him so he does not screw up their plans. Constance then says that they need to draw out the sex as long as possible so it can help with them being alive for as long as they are able to impregnate them. They ask how they are able to do so because these humans seem so eager and Constance just says to use their imaginations.

Nick goes back very happy while everyone else is annoyed by his arrogance since Nick did get laid. But the other roommates don’t count it since they don’t have proof that it happened and then Henry decides that they need footage from their cell phone cameras to be proof that it happened. Henry then goes out for a drink of some candy when one the Decoys (her name is Delia) tries to hook up with him.

She reveals that through using her eyes to read his mind that she can have the exact attire that would excite him.

She tries to mate with him, but before anything happens…Henry is not able to go through it because he is a virgin and just leaves. He goes back to the room pissed that he was not able to have sex with her, but unbeknownst to him, his awkwardness might have saved his life.

The next day, Prof. Buckton is met by Constance, who is working at the hospital as Dr. Snowden.

Let’s Avoid Edward Snowden Jokes

Anyway, Constance is interested about Luke, saying Luke experienced a psychotic episode a few years ago and she would like to be informed if he ever started behaving abnormally again. Another student, Arnold Steiner, comes in asking about the “secret contest” that he heard about (obviously someone did not keep it between roomies).

He wants in and thanks to Sam, who says his word is good, he is allowed in. But they tell him to keep it between them, which he agrees to keep it secret. But of course, he decides to tell every guy out there and thankfully for them, by telling every guy...word about this doesn’t get to the girls. Oh and of course, the people who now know agree to put money to play so it is now a business venture.

At the library, Arnold talks to Sam and reveals his secret weapon is a synthetic bull musk spray that he bought. Unfortunately for him, the spray seems to ward off the girl he is trying to hit on because of course, he stinks. Guys, let me speak to you all for a minute. This pheromone spray crap that uses pheromones from other animals...those pheromones work to attract females from that species so that bull musk this moron just used, basically makes him only attractive to female cows. And if you have ever been to a farm, you would know that cows and bulls stink to high heaven. Of course, guess who comes in to try and well, make it with him.

Why It’s The Decoy Who Had The Crap Make-Up That Was So Barbie-Like That She Failed To Be Conspicuous Whatsoever.

Well thankfully she ditched that makeup and now looks a little more human, but not by much. I’m sorry to this actress because I’m sure she is nice and all, but this film makes her look so much like a Barbie doll that it isn’t even funny and when you are trying to hide the fact that you are an alien, looking like a Barbie doll does not work.

Anyway, Arnold asks for Sam’s cellphone because he forgot his and Sam gives it to him as he leaves to go try to have sex with the obvious Decoy. A few minutes later, I was able to find out her character name is Jasmine so I’m going to be kind and call her that through the rest of the movie. Stephanie comes in and wonders what is going on because Sam gave Arnold his cellphone for some reason, but Sam just brushes it off and runs away.

Arnold walks with Jasmine into the woods and Jasmine decides that here is a perfect spot for her to have mate with Arnold. Arnold does the cell cam stuff and then prepares to make out with Jasmine who uses her eye reading powers to turn herself into a woman who looks like she came out of an S&M club.

For some reason, Arnold does not question how she is able to change clothes so quickly or the whole eye thing which she is not really hiding. Actually, he does ask how she does that, but she basically brushes him off and he just goes with it.

Duh…She Didn’t Answer The Question, But She Is So Hot That I’ll Have Sex With Her Despite The Fact That She Has Shown That She Is Not Human.

Sam is elsewhere seeing this on the monitor from the cell and notices the strange things going on as the camera starts freezing. Jasmine then decides to tentacle rape him.

 I’m Surprised These Movies Are Not A Hit With The Yaoi Culture In Japan

Pete, I thought you were gone and what the hell is Yaoi?

Yaoi…it is a erotic subculture in Japan more oriented for women and gay men. It’s basically more focused on the guys in the sex scenes instead of the women. In this case, the tentacle rape that you and many others joke about in Japan is happening to a guy instead of a woman so it would be more Yaoi themed than any other genre.

But you have never struck me as someone who is bi-sexual.

Well, I’m not…but when looking for porn of hentai variety, you tend to come across this stuff and I am not as stupid as you think I am so I do know this stuff exists.

Well…goddammit, now I have to get my brain bleached so I can try to forget all the terrible crap you just said.

Wouldn’t recommend that. You forget this conversation happened and you will probably have to relive it all over again.

Please tell me we are not going to have this whole gay porn in your chosen films in 2014.

What?? No!!! I’m not that sick. While I may know the stuff, I’m not into that stuff.

Oh thank god….I sometimes don’t know about you. But since we are done, can you get out of here now.

Sure…I promise I’ll be out of your hair this time

Thank god.

Anyway, she rapes him and even reveals her alien form in the process.

Great, Porno Pete decided to really leave this time.

Sam sees some strange stuff going on through the garbled mess that is on the screen and decides to chase after Arnold to see if he is okay. Jasmine checks Arnold’s heartbeat after the rape and sees that Arnold is fine, but she hears Sam coming so she scrams. Sam comes to Arnold, who basically talks about how cold it is. Sam goes to call for some help and is able to get a taxi driver to be there, but when he arrives, Arnold is gone so the taxi driver leaves, not believing him.

The cops arrive as well and arrest Sam for making a fake call to 911. The cops tell him it is a serious offense for what he did and thinking that Sam might have been pranked himself, they let him off with a warning.

Back at the dorm, Sam and his roommates try to deconstruct and fix his cellphone so they can see what happened. They also watch the video and Nick wonders how a dweeb like Arnold can get with a “Hottie”. Nick, that is your opinion. Not saying she is ugly, but the whole Barbie look does not do it for me. During the conversation, Henry seems to remember his encounter with the woman who turned into someone of his fantasy, but he says nothing about it. Henry then puts Arnold on the top on the leader board while Sam tries to call Arnold, unsuccessfully.

At the library the next day, Peter tells Sam that Arnold is going to win if Sam doesn’t get into the game and tries once more to tell Sam to try and have a sexual relationship with Stephanie, saying she obviously has a crush on him, but Sam once again is adamant in saying they are just friends.

At night, Luke is at the classroom making drawings of the Decoys from his memories. Prof. Buckton shows up and tries to get Luke to try and take a break. You know, try and have some fun. Buckton also has an interest in Luke’s drawings asking where he gets those. Luke says he sees them in his head and Buckton asks if he is serious. Luke then looks at him and says no, which Buckton pauses, but takes it as Luke being inside for too long. He is impressed by the musculature and asks if he can have a few, which Luke is okay with.

I Have To Admit They Are Very Good Drawings

Meanwhile in the library, we get a scene where Peter looks at a woman who he thinks is hot and tries to admire her stealthily, but trips looking at her, which she notices and leaves annoyed by his actions. Delia asks if Peter is alright and hits on him, but tells him that it can’t be here since they hate it when you talk in a library. Peter then says he knows a place where they can make as much noise as they want, which is at the stadium. She does the eye thing and reveals what his fantasy is.

A Woman In A School Girl Outfit

Elsewhere, Sam and Stephanie are walking elsewhere and we notice that Stephanie is not wearing much winter attire. When Sam brings this up, Stephanie says that after her workout, she is okay. Stephanie says that she met Luke the other night and mentioned all the stuff he said about aliens, but when he said it, it seemed like he believed it. Stephanie then mentions that she is thinking of changing the color of her hair and basically asks Sam if he would like her as a blonde.

If I Had A “Dude, She Is Obviously Into You!!!” Alarm, It Would Be Making So Much Noise That It Would Wake Up The Neighbors.

Sam obviously does not answer and Stephanie just laughs her own idea off.

Back at the stadium, Peter and Delia are in the locker room where Peter puts his phone and says they he is going to put it on vibrate, although we really know that he is getting his cellphone camera ready. He also puts the heater on because he is cold and this is not good for Delia, who runs away from the heat while Peter says that she should at least give him her phone number.

Luke goes to the hospital for his meeting with Dr. Geisner, but Dr. Geisner is busy. And while Luke is told that, Constance and Jasmine see that he is there. Jasmine wants to try to make it with him, but Constance says it is way too dangerous to try with him.

Meanwhile, another Decoy who we meet at this exact moment, named Angeline is making out with the guy with dreadlocks who we saw earlier give money to enter the competition. He has his phone set up and is ready to rack some points in the game, but unfortunately for him…Angeline decides to tentacle rape him.

I Would Show More, But Angeline Is Topless So Yeah, You Got To See Some Boobs In This Scene.

Beavis And Butthead Do Approve Though

Back at the dorm, Peter admits that he has this fantasy about women in school-girl uniforms. The two roommates there, Sam and Henry, laugh this off because you know, school-girls are underage, which Peter just says is just a fantasy. Henry does say that it is a pretty common fantasy with early childhood development. Peter then says that just like Arnold, this chick turned into his fantasy, but when the propane heater came on, she freaked as if she was allergic to heat. Sam takes pause and remembers what Stephanie said about Luke’s visions and puts the two dots together that these aliens do exist and they are here.

We then get a woman in the shower, who is Stephanie.

She hears some noises in her room and it’s Sam, who wants to talk to her about the visions Luke saw and actually believes that they may be real. Sam and Stephanie break into Luke’s room, which Stephanie is very reluctant about. They see all of the newspaper clippings which talk about alien sightings. They also see the drawings the Luke has done which goes into full detail about the alien anatomy. Stephanie opens a window and complains about it being way too hot in here, which with her previous scenes is to make the audience believe that she might be a Decoy herself like Alex was in the first film.

In the library, we see Luke looking up stories about missing students on the campus and he is wondering where the bodies are. Of course Constance sees that he is getting close and she is worried. She then decides to meet with Prof. Buckton and expresses her concerns that Luke might be believing in the aliens. She then decides to try and seduce him, which Buckton is okay with, which means that the Professor is dead meat.

Oh Yeah…She Wants Some Jigsaw Loving…

Elsewhere, we see that the TV is now reporting Arnold’s disappearance. And Luke is shaving and believes that they are back. Luke meets with Dr. Geisner and shows his evidence of the beliefs that the Decoys are back. Of course Dr. Geisner does not believe any of this and wants him back on the medicine. Luke then starts believing that Dr. Geisner might be one of them and after watching the first film, I wouldn’t have put either her or Stephanie out as a possible Decoy, except that the film is making it too obvious they might be which means they are not.

Sam is in the waiting room, waiting for Luke. When Luke appears, Sam tells him that he does believe that the Decoys are real. Luke first thinks Sam is playing a prank, but Sam then reveals that he believes that they killed one of his friends. Luke then reveals that it might mean that they are slipping up this time. When Sam asks what the aliens want, Luke reveals that they want us as mating partners. He says they can trick you into being your best friend or your girlfriend. Luke then tells him never to let his guard down before seeing Constance.

Luke goes after Constance and is about to be arrested until Dr. Geisner saves his rear end and says that he should be put in her immediate care, which Constance is okay with. This of course continues to put us in the belief that Dr. Geisner is one of them, but of course when you push that hard, it is almost obvious that what you are supposed to believe is not the truth. They inject Luke with a sedative and put him in a bed with restraints to make sure he does not escape. Luke tries one last attempt to have Dr. Geisner let him out to stop the aliens, but she refuses.

It is time for the Luau that has been on posters throughout the school during this whole film. Henry then sets the computer to update every few minutes so we can do the leaderboard of this sex competition in real time. Of course right now Nick is in the lead while Sam still believes in the alien stuff, even though I should mention earlier that when Luke tried to tell Dr. Geisner that Sam believed him, Sam didn’t come to his defense by saying it was true.

Sam then pretends to be a janitor to help break out Luke.

Jeez…It Is That Easy To Be Able To Help Break Out Someone. Just Pretend To Be A Janitor With No Other Disguise But A Jumpsuit. No Wonder This Campus Has A Decoy Being Able To Hide As A Doctor, Security Is Completely Stupid.

Sam apologizes for not defending him, but now helps Luke out by getting him out of his restraints. Of course, just to prove how stupid security is. They don’t see Luke and Sam go down the laundry chute.

Top Notch Security Here

While outside, Luke reveals that you should not look these aliens in the eyes or they will read your mind. Luke and Sam are at the Luau where Luke tells Sam that the Decoys don’t have belly-buttons. Meanwhile some girl tries to hit on Henry who is monitoring the party from his nearby computer.

Henry thinks that since she is blonde and opened the window (saying that it is way too hot in here), that she might be one of the Decoys, but it turns out that she wasn’t one of the Decoys and was actually into him.

In This Film, You Are Almost Wonderiing Where Maury Povich Is So He Can Do The Whole “???, You Are/Are Not A Decoy”

Nick leaves the party with Jasmine though as the party continues. Sam sees a woman in blonde hair who is dancing with several guys and it turns out that the blonde is actually Stephanie.

Yeah, She Went Through With Becoming A Blonde. Sam, She Is So Into You…

Stephanie tries to hit on him, but Sam (hearing Luke tell him that it is almost always the ones that are closest to you) is more concerned with making sure if she is a Decoy or not. Although Stephanie doesn’t help the matter by saying that it is way too hot in the room and she wants to take him somewhere where he can cool off. Meanwhile Peter and Henry see a video with Nick and Jasmine. And yep…Jasmine reveals that she is a Decoy. Meanwhile, it is revealed that Stephanie is not a Decoy.

She Has A Belly Button And A Pierced One, At That. Did Not Expect Her Character To Be The Type Of Woman Who Would Be Okay With Piercings.

Stephanie is sort of offended that Sam would think she was one of them, but that is interrupted when Peter yells at Sam that Nick is in danger from a Decoy. Stephanie sees this and also realizes that the Decoys are real and the crew decide to try and find Nick before it is too late. They are able to save Nick as the Decoy runs away realizing that they are after her. They check on Nick and ask him what it was like, which Nick responds that it wasn’t too bad, it was actually enjoyable to him.

I Think We May Have Found Porno Pete’s Brother

We Are Not Related

Okay….wait, I thought you wouldn’t be in my hair anymore.

You made a comment about me that was not true. What did you think was going to happen?

Okay, my bad….I’ll keep silent on that now.

The group meets up and says that they need to find them, but it is going to be hard to do so because they look like normal girls. Stephanie tells them to speak for themselves because girls can tell when another girl is fake. And to prove so, she finds Delia with her first pointing of the finger.

She and Angeline run away as the group chases them. Oh and Angeline throws a door at them in an attempt to stall them.

They realize the Decoys are heading to the hospital and they create make-shift weapons with beer bottles (for Molotov cocktails), industrial strength hair spray (which added with a lighter can be a blowtorch), and flares. They head to the hospital where Stephanie says that since the building is enormous, they won’t be able to find them for days. But Luke knows they will be somewhere no one ever goes, which is the old Morgue. They split up (Luke, Nick, and Peter in one group; Sam, Stephanie, and Henry being in the other) because they don’t know where the old Morgue is, which is always a smart idea.

If You Are Part Of The Mystery Mobile Gang

By the way, Sam finally does man up and kisses Stephanie, showing that he does love her. Delia grabs Sam and locks herself with him into a room. She then tries to make it with Sam, but she is unable to do so before Stephanie breaks down the door and tries to burn her with the make-shift blowtorch

She backs Delia into a corner, but her can stops working. It seems that they are screwed when Henry gets Delia in the back with a flare.

As you can guess….Delia is burnt to a crisp.

Nick finds a dark room and separates from the group that has Luke and Peter. Angeline tries to beg for her life as she likes being human and seduces Nick. But Peter shows up and Angeline is screwed. She bumps into the electrical outlet and gets electrocuted.


Back to the group with Henry, Sam, and Stephanie. Henry has the idea of splitting up again with Sam & Stephanie going one way and he alone going the other. Sam and Stephanie find the old morgue while Constance looks on, upset that their hiding place has been found. Inside is Jasmine, who attempts to kill Stephanie with her tentacles, but Sam is able to free her with a knife and they both lock Jasmine into the heater. Jasmine tries to beg for her life, but they both see through her games and she is killed.

Elsewhere, Dr. Geisner realizes that Luke has escaped and runs to go find him, hearing noises coming from under the main hospital. Sam and Stephanie then get cornered by Constance who has decided to ditch her human form and reveals that she is a red Decoy.

Constance tries to strangle both of them. But Luke shows up with a Molotov cocktail. She knocks it out of his hand and she tries to kill him for all the past crap she has had to go through with him. Dr. Geisner shows up and realizes that all of what Luke said about the Decoys was true. Constance says that Luke survived mating once so she wants to try it again. Dr. Geisner puts a needle to Constance’s back and thanks to her standing on the alcohol that came from the Molotov cocktail, Luke sets her on fire.

Sam and Stephanie kiss as both Dr. Geisner and Luke smile at the idea of true love. Nick, Henry, and Peter come in and are glad that Sam finally has a girlfriend. They all hear moans from another room and decide to investigate. There, they find all of the bodies of the victims like Arnold, the guy with dreadlocks, the cop, the dude at the beginning, and…

Professor Buckton!!!

As they check on the professor, they see that his chest is moving so they assume that he is alive. But unfortunately, it is just the babies of the Decoys. And the film ends with the babies hatching from all the bodies as our human characters look like they are screwed.

That definitely was the end because there is no sequel to this film.

A lot of what I said about Dina Meyer, Corey Sevier, and Kim Poirer is still the same although I forgot to mention that Dina Meyer was also in Piranha 3D and this year, Corey is part of the cast of the Hallmark TV series called Cedar Grove. Tobin Bell was still doing the role of Jigsaw in the Saw series. Bradley Goddard (who played Nick) is a Regional Manager of Alberta for Steam Whistle Brewing. Michelle Molineux (who plays Delia) voices Hannah for the English dub of the anime Pretty Cure.

My opinion is that in a way, this film is actually better than the original. The characters are written better with you being able to root for the good guys and root against the villains. They fixed mistakes made by the first film. The only bad thing is the fact that they never mention how Constance could still be alive even though we saw her die in the first film.

So with the Decoys December done, I can now take a break.

Hello, Inferior Me…

Hello, jackass…

So what are you going to do this holiday?

Be hopefully away from you and have a completely awesome Christmas. You?

Me, I’m gonna relax. I mean, I have looked at the schedule next year and for the most part, I get to relax. You on the other hand will suffer through the GINO Award Winner, Pumpkinhead 2, another Leprechaun movie, a summer of films by Porno Pete, among others.

Damn you, NegaSeth. For everyone, I wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.