Monster Crap Inductee: Jack Frost 2: Revenge of the Mutant Killer Snowman
Proof Of Why We Should Never Want Sequels To Awesomely Bad Films
There are films that are awesomely bad and you always want to see how things continue in this trainwreck of a story. But unfortunately, you should be careful of what you wish for because I have learned that more often than not, that sequel you wanted may come, but it will be a disappointment to your expectations. In fact, I think I can only count on one hand the sequels to an insane film that ended up as fun as the original.
The X From Outer Space Sequel Monster X Strikes Back Is Actually One Of Those Good Ones
And the first film that I have learned that sad truth was Jack Frost 2: Revenge of the Mutant Killer Snowman. I remember still watching the first Jack Frost film about a serial killer who through an accident, turned into a killer snowman who would have great one liners and even better kills. We could even talk about this being Shannon Elizabeth’s first film and how her character got killed. So it was a great surprise when I went On Demand one day and found there was a sequel to this film. Then I watched the movie and that fun died. Since the cast who survived really didn’t do much in between the first and second film, I will really not need to mention what was going on in between them. Well, there is one actor who is in this sequel that I could bring up and that is Doug Jones.
He Would Later On Become Abe Sapien In Hellboy
One actress I should mention is Eileen Seeley also was in Batman Forever.
She Was Martha Wayne In That Film
But the reason I am bringing him up is he was in a past Monster Crap inductee.
He Was The Carrot Guy In The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle
So since everyone including myself want to get this done with so we could enjoy the holidays, let’s go into why we should have been careful of what we wished for when we wanted a sequel to Jack Frost the killer snowman one.
We begin with Sam from the last film at a psychiatrist’s office.
And The First Thing You Will Notice Is The Film Quality Is Not As Good As The First Film
I would say this is the worst I have seen, but I do remember Snow Sharks so you could say that this film quality is akin to most of the porn films I have inducted. Anyway, the psychiatrist asks what Sam wants to talk about and of course this close to the holiday season, Sam wants to talk about Jack Frost. Of course when we get to the part about the mutant killer snowman, we see that the sheriff of the town is still having nightmares over the Jack Frost incident and being a terrible psychiatrist, this guy decides that he is going to air all of this on speaker phone.
So yeah, and he tries to hide that he is recording this whole traumatic experience, but eventually it gets revealed. Now this might be funny to someone who has never seen a shrink, but as someone who has and still does, this is a huge insult to the profession and if I told this to any real shrink, they would be horrified and furious that someone like this would be in their profession because the reason this guy would be telling his psychiatrist this horror story is because without his permission, this conversation doesn’t leave these walls unless the authorities have a warrant. It is a confidentiality agreement that all psychiatrists have to agree on to be in this profession and if one basically breaks that agreement, they can’t be trusted to be one. So as this asshole is breaking this trust, I could imagine being in that room and all I can think of doing is suing this asshole till he is broke and is never able to work as one again. But all this says is that the whole incident from the first film is not believed by anyone.
Oh and we mention that this Jack Frost is in a jar and buried in an unmarked grave that Sam will not tell him where it is at as he is sworn to secrecy. The psychiatrist says this is all a delusion, but since he has broken the sacred agreement between psychiatrist and patient, you shouldn’t listen to a damn thing. But Sam reveals that he is only doing this so that the killing stops and we get our title card.
Meanwhile, two people are at this unmarked grave as one of them knows where it is (one of the supposed town folk). With this conversation, one of them digs the grave to reveal the canister that Jack Frost has been left in and the other who promised to pay the guy for giving him Jack Frost decides to shoot and kill him as to keep a secret to the fact that Jack Frost’s remains has been recovered.
We then go to a lab where the anti-freeze that has Jack Frost in it is poured into a tank and a Christmas song is being played in the background.
The two scientists after studying it for a bit, decide to head home for the night as one of these idiot scientists leaves some hot beverage over the tank that is hanging by a chain.
I See Plenty Of Problems Here
Also it doesn’t help that our janitor coming in is a terrible worker who has no problem bumping into the tank while he is vacuuming.
After the third time he does this, the mug falls into the anti-freeze and tank freezes.
I Guess I Should Also Mention That There Will Be Some Really Bad CGI At Times Because I Guess This Sequel Had A Smaller Budget Than The First
The tank of ice explodes and our idiot janitor gets killed with glass cutting his head in half.
So Jack Frost is reborn…..
With Surprisingly Less Drugs In His System Than Matt Sydal
And he as water goes down the drain planning on some revenge.
Meanwhile, Sam, his wife Anne, his friend Marla, and her fiancée Joe are at the airport preparing for a trip to the Bahamas.
Sam is apprehensive of this trip with the memories of Jack Frost being in his mind since it supposedly happened a year ago (even though this movie was released 3 years later). But Anne says the doctor says he needs a vacation (hopefully not the same one from the beginning who broke the agreement between doctor and patient) and he agreed to be Joe’s best man at his wedding (which of course is in the Bahamas). Oh and the kid from the last movie, yeah he is with his cousins for Christmas so he be in the role of…
You Know I Had To Make That Joke
We then head to the Bahamas.
Or A Set In California
It’s a lodge ran by Col. Hickering.
Who Is Basically A British Stereotype That You Would See In A Jungle Adventure Film Or Nature Documentary. Also Played By The Director’s Dad.
The guests have arrived as he goes over to Bobby.
They reveal each of the murder fodder (I mean, guests) and our main crew.
Like Rose, Paisley, And Ashlea. Who Hickering Says This Is Their First Vacation Without The Parents And They Think They’re Looking For Adventure, However They Will Discover The True Meaning Of Friendship.
This Is Sarah And Greg. They Are Here For A Photoshoot And Greg Is A Bit Closeted If You Catch My Drift.
Cindy Is Also With Them, But You Will Never See Her As Part Of The Photoshoot. No, This Movie Has Something Different In Mind With Her.
Then we finally get to our main characters and it is revealed that both couples have been booked into separate honeymoon suites, which was all booked by Sam. Anne is shocked that she and Sam have also been booked in one, but Sam asks if she wants to renew her vows with him which she says yes. By the way, that will never be mentioned again.
Meanwhile we go to the middle of the ocean, with two survivors on a raft.
Survivors Of What…I Do Not Know As It Is Never Mentioned
They argue a lot and as one of them (Dave) goes to get some food, but sees that only a carrot is left.
The other survivor (Charlie) reveals he ate all the food and it was delicious. They then fight over the carrot.
The Two Try To Kill Each Other With The Carrot
Eventually Charlie gets thrown into the ocean and is presumably killed by Jack Frost, who was in the ocean.
Dave is happy he got the carrot, but realizes that Charlie has not come back up from the water so something is wrong. He doesn’t get too far with that realization before he gets stabbed by icicle that popped out of the raft.
By The Way, Dave Is Doug Jones.
Oh and don’t ask how Jack as freshwater snow can survive in the ocean, because to these people, it is all water. Jack Frost sings that he is “slashing through the raft” and then thanks the dead guys for the nose.
It is night now and everyone is having fun. Jack’s new nose arrives at the beach and sees there is a party going on. He has this to say.
Jack Frost: There’s A Party And I’m Not Invited? Someone’s Gonna Pay…
Meanwhile Rose, Paisley, and Ashlea go to the bar to get some drinks (Bobby is the bartender) and talk about who they want to get with. The first guy they want is shot down by another for being too old. The second guy they want says is closeted. Bobby then points them over to two guys who have been staring at them, indicating they may be interested.
So they go to the guys and tell them they can find them camped out. Anne is leading a conga line which Joe is part of. He gets greeted by Sarah and they both say awkward greetings before Marla pushes Joe out of the wave. She then tells Sarah that Joe has been taken and shows off her engagement ring. Sam is seen sitting down moping around and then we get to meet the worst character in this film. A character so annoying that he makes you groan anytime he is on screen.
He sees Sam not fun and wonders what the Grump Monster has done this Party Pooper Duper. He then reveals his secret weapon in Karaoke. Jack Frost has this to say.
Jack Frost: Karaoke…you got to be kidding me.
Please Kill This Guy
After all of that nonsense, Sam and Joe are sitting at the bar relaxing. Joe talks about how this place is better with no ice and no snow, then thinks that might have made Sam unhappy. Sam is unhappy and then talks about Jack Frost. Joe then says that Anne doesn’t want him talking about that and Sam says that is all in the past. A scream is heard, but it is just Cindy showing a lobster to Sarah.
Meanwhile, it is time to campout with Rose, Paisley, and Ashlea. They wonder when the guys will show (they never do). They then argue over who gets which guy alone while the other two get the other guy. The carrot goes towards them and sees some potential victims. Ashlea goes to get some charcoal and Jack follows her as he feels a bit underdressed.
She goes under a tree and Jack tries to kill her with icicles, but he misses every time so bad that he thinks he may be out of practice. Also she moves a lot to pick up the charcoal that for some reason is spread out.
He Definitely May Need Some Practice
It gets so bad that Jack says “fuck it” and kills by landing on her as a snow anvil.
The other two wonder where Ashlea is and Paisley goes to see her. She finds Ashlea’s dead body and goes back, but she steps on an icicle and falls into the icicles that popped up from the sand.
So now Rose is all alone and Jack decides that he is going to fuck with her as she grabs the tongs. Jack responds with such.
Jack Frost: Ooooh tongs…I’m so scared. I don’t know whether to shit myself or grab the barbecue sauce.
He basically teases where he is before revealing himself and stabbing her eyes with the tongs.
The next day, Sam and Anne seem to be sleeping when Captain Fun comes in and wakes them up by yelling and jumping on the bed.
Kill Him And Claim It Was Self Defense. He Jumped In The Bed With You.
They instead chase him off with their pillows as he says Archery For Beginners is in one hour. Meanwhile, Joe is not liking that he and Marla are in different beds, but Marla is insistent they do this till they are married, even though as Joe says, they shared the same bed at home. Hickering and Bobby check the food for today when they hear a scream. Hickering immediately says that there is nothing to be worried about until he sees what the random couple are screaming about.
Bobby comes in also sees what the issue in as he also has the same “oh” response as Hickering. Hickering also bribes the couple to not speak of this with the room service bill being on the hotel. Hickering tells Bobby to get him Manners and if you are wondering, it is Agent Manners from the last movie who got his face missed up by teeth from Jack Frost.
So here is what he looks like this time.
Different Actor Explained With Lots Of Plastic Surgery Thanks To The Last Film
Manners thinks it may be a murder, but both Hickering and Bobby try to shoo off that idea by saying it is a shark attack. But Manners shows them the tongs left at the scene of a different murder.
Sam shows up and they all say that they are dealing with a Coconut Shark (seriously?) and Sam kind of believes it. He also questions what Agent Manners is doing here, but Manners says he is a different Manners (he isn’t). Sam is convinced that it is the same Manners and Manners gets in his face confirming he is the same Manners, but saying that Jack Frost fucked up his face so bad that he needed 15 operations. He says that he lives on an island so he never has to deal with a snowman again. Sam apologizes while Manners, Hickering, and Bobby decide to deal with the murderous Coconut Shark. You know what? Let’s get Twenty One Pilots to sing a song.
Oh and since it is Breakfast Buffet Time, everyone just goes to the food tables. Sam also asks if they have a lot of shark attacks in the area, Manners says they don’t really but tis the season. Sam goes back to the others. Hickering thinks they should contact the authorities and give them the lay of the land, but when they try, they realize communication is down. Manners wants to warn the guests of the bodies, but Hickering wants to hear of no such thing. Yep, he is going mayor of Jaws on us. Oh and he finally explains the tongs with eyes on them as a rather nasty cooking accident. So they head to the satellite. Oh and it’s basically said that Jack is in a snow globe.
Considering How Airtight Those Things Are Made, That Is Basically Impossible
So at the satellite, they see that the fuse box has been filled with water.
Jack’s Water Powers Could Probably Get In There Though And It Has
Hickering asks if they can fix it, but Bobby says they will need a whole lot of spare parts to do so and those spare parts they do not have. They just decide that since the supply boat will be here first thing tomorrow, that they can tell them then of the situation. Captain Fun is brought in for some reason and the rest of the staff for a meeting. Of course because of this, drinks are not being given when they are needed. So in the meeting, they talk about how Manners is prone to overreaction like the one time he believed there was a Columbian Invasion. Manners says they should lock up the guests and squeeze them until one of them squeals. Captain Fun says that is a terrible idea as the guests are here for a taste of island hospitality.
Cuba Was An Island And You Did Not Want Any Of Fidel Castro’s Island Hospitality
Captain Fun calls Manners “Mr. Fun Sucker” and says there will be no squeezing or squealing on his watch. Hickering agrees and says let’s put it all in the past as there is no proof of anything (well, except three bodies that I doubt you cleaned up). So Bobby goes back to bar tending and sees that the guests are having fun with the alcohol they grabbed themselves. He wonders why they couldn’t wait for him.
Meanwhile we go to the photoshoot with Greg and Sarah.
Jack Frost arrives in liquid form and is rather attracted to this situation. Greg decides that the nipples are not showing well so Sarah may need an ice cube to get her nipples to be erect.
Except They Are Showing Fine Through The Dress On My End
Jack Frost is all on board with this idea as he goes into the cooler and becomes all the pieces of ice.
Wouldn’t You Do The Same If You Had That Power
So Sarah puts the ice cube on her nipples so they will show better and of course, we hear Jack Frost really getting horny. Jack even does the thing that he is willing to put all the killing behind him if he and Sarah were to hook up. Now if you remember what he did with Shannon Elizabeth’s Jill from the first film, you know he would just end up killing her via some snowman sex and banging her head against the wall. Sarah then throws the ice cube away which pisses Jack off and he swears revenge.
Of course that changes where they make an ice coffee and Sarah starts putting another one towards her lips. She starts sucking on it which once again gets Jack horny.
Unfortunately she chews and swallows the ice piece and this is the final disgrace in Jack’s opinion so she must die and die she does. But first, she finds a scarf which Jack likes.
So now we go to where she dies.
Her Head Explodes
Jack has this line.
Jack Frost: Oh…I guess it was de-capitated coffee.
Greg is horrified by this, but that won’t stop Jack as he decides to take selfies of him killing Greg.
Sam thinks he hears the screams, but no one else does as they are too busy being bad at archery. He feels something cold, but Marla can’t believe he is still talking about Jack Frost. Marla then tells him to lighten up and it was too bad they had a Crappy Christmas last year. Crappy Christmas?? A Crappy Christmas is when your present get stolen by a crook or your electricity dies on a cold day. Having to deal with a Mutant Snowman with the mind of a killer is worse than a Crappy Christmas.
Anyway, Marla hits the bullseye.
And Marla is happy about this as the rest still suck at it and Sam still is not feeling right. Oh and she hits a bullseye again as she tells Sam he needs to find something else to worry about.
That’s Not A Bullseye!!! You Hit Outside Of The Bullseye!!! I May Not Know Much About Archery, But I Know A Fucking Bullseye And That Ain’t It!!!
As they are shocked, Manners goes behind Sam and tells him to meet him at reception in 10 minutes. After having a few minutes about why if it is so important then why can’t he say it here and Manners admits that he has to pee. So Sam goes to the reception desk and as Manners is done with the bathroom break, they both talk about the situation of a killer at this resort. Manners also admits that he was fired by the FBI as no one believed him about a killer snowman. So Manners also makes him meet Captain Fun, who he says is in on this secret meeting and as an actor, he is honored that he plays his part. You would of course believe that all Captain Fun’s BS was just a ruse, but then he has a plan and it is a costume party.
Nope….Captain Fun Is Just The Bane Of Existence Here.
Captain Fun says this idea is the answer to all sorts of incidents. Oh yeah and Sam looks pretty bad in his disguise.
We also learn that Sam has a bad allergy to bananas. Remember that because it is going to come back in the worst of ways. Anyway, at least Sam doesn’t look like he would be perfect for scouting out Carmen Sandiego.
Unlike Agent Manners Here, Who By The Way Wears This Outfit For The Rest Of This Time In The Film
Manners says back in the bureau they would call his costume a “Reverse Double Negative”. Sam’s going to check out the conga line. Sam asks for a beer from Bobby when he starts hearing Jack’s voice asking him for a smoke. This freaks Sam out so he starts hunting for Jack. Sam sees a carrot on the ground and someone dressed as a snowman comes behind Sam.
Sam hits him with an oar. Unfortunately, you could easily guess that it isn’t Jack Frost.
Captain Fun says something is obviously wrong with Sam and Sam gets in trouble with the rest of the group. Even when he realizes that the carrot is not part of Hickering’s costume as his is still on, it doesn’t help Sam as he is still in trouble. Now, why Hickering decided to sneak up on someone who obviously is running to or from something, is never mentioned so to any person watching this, they are looking at Hickering as a fucking idiot who is lucky that Sam didn’t kill him. Oh and Hickering yells at Manners and is adamant there is no killer. He then sends everyone off to bed. While in bed, Anne is insistent to Sam that Jack cannot be here, even signaling that she may consider leaving him over this.
Meanwhile, Jack grabs that carrot on the ground as that was his nose. Most people are sleeping and Jack decides now is the time. He starts by going to the pool as Cindy is going for a swim.
And Here Is The Only Black Box That I Will Need
While she goes underwater, Jack decides to freeze the top of the pool so Cindy cannot get up to breathe.
She sees Jack Frost and screams, but of course that allows all the water into her lungs and she drowns.
Jack Frost then decides to make the whole place cold. Jack even has this line.
Jack Frost: Tonight’s Weather Report: 20% Chance Of Frostbite And a 100% Chance Of Death!!!!!
Sam wakes up to a cold chill outside and then he sees that it is snowing.
And once again, no one except Sam sees a problem with this.
Hickering thinks this is fine and talks in the past about something like this happening, even though that was hale, not snow.
Even Joe And Marla Think This Is Awesome, Despite The Fact I Doubt Those Characters Really Would Be Cool With This As This Is Why They Wanted Their Wedding In The Bahamas.
Sam now is adamant that Jack Frost is here as he and Anne go inside. Because of Sam’s issues, Marla and Joe decide to go inside as well. Meanwhile, the two douches that never showed for the three dead girls earlier are at a frozen pole. One of them is upset that their beer is cold while the other one agrees, but is happy to see a frozen pole. The taller one then convinces the shorter one to stick his tongue on the pole and he will pour the warm beer down the pole, which will make the beer cold and will unfreeze his tongue. This is all BS, but the shorter guy falls for it and sticks his tongue so it is stuck.
He then tries to get the taller guy to pour the beer, but he laughs at how he fooled his so-called friend and just leaves him hanging. Jack Frost shows up and sees the situation so he decides to help in his own murderous way.
I guess I should mention that for TV and the UK DVD, this film was censored. Meanwhile, in the German DVD and this US DVD, the gorier scenes are uncut so once again, you are watching the uncut version.
Anyway, after Jack kills the one guy, we go to see that Captain Fun has made a bunch of snowballs for the random people to have. Jack then decides that he is going to have in on the snowball fun, but his snowballs are deadly.
So Jack starts killing people with deadly snowballs.
Sam knows the horrors that emerge, but Joe and Marla only see problems once they see Jack killing a dude with an icicle.
This also causes fear from Hickering, Bobby, and Captain Fun so they run indoors as more people are killed.
Oh and then Marla says that Jack Frost is not here so yeah, despite all of the death and mayhem, they still don’t believe it is Jack Frost as the killer. Sam sees a snowman that obviously is not Jack Frost and decides that with a vial of concentrated anti-freeze around his neck, he is going to splash it on him.
Of course Sam finds out it isn’t Jack Frost, but then Jack Frost confirms that he is here by showing up behind Sam.
Sam sees this and runs along with everyone else. Manners then shows up with a gun and Jack decides that he has to run. Oh and Marla finds out that Manners is here to. They all finally get inside. Then Sam says he knew because somehow Jack and him are linked and Jack has a part of him now. Remember that for later.
Again, Marla tries to say that they don’t even know that it is Jack Frost and for once, Sam shuts her down.
Sam: No, Marla, it’s probably some other walking, talking snowman that everybody’s talking about.
Scar, can you help me here?
Thank you. Back to this terrible sequel, Sam reveals that he brought a crap load of anti-freeze with him on this trip. This was a year before 9-11, so he could get this shit through TSA. Marla and Joe notices how Sam was obsessed here before grabbing weapons for themselves. Anne says they can’t just seal themselves here for the night while Marla and Joe are okay with that idea. Anne then says that they have to find the others and warn them. Marla suggests they draw straws as to who goes out there to warn people, but Manners says he is doing it. Sam offers to go with Manners and then we had this exchange between him and Joe.
Sam: I’ll go with you.
Joe: And I’ll…
Sam: No, Joe…you stay here
Joe: That’s what I was going to say
Manners and Sam put anti-freeze in their Super Soakers and go outside.
While inside, Joe makes the observation that the night Jack was melted, Sam was wounded so his blood could have gotten into Jack’s body. Well, that’s as good as any to explain that Jack and Sam are linked.
Meanwhile, Sam and Manners find Hickering, Bobby, and Captain Fun. Sam and Manners get them up-to-date on the situation and with anti-freeze being the way to kill it, Captain Fun says this is a tropical island so why would they have any. But then Bobby interrupts and asks if anti-freeze is the same thing as coolant, which Sam says it is (surprisingly, they got that correct). Then Bobby reveals that have drum loads of the stuff since they have a generator and it drinks the stuff up quickly.
They set up a trap while Captain Fun tries to do snow angels. The trap is a pit of anti-freeze covered with a sheet covered with fake snow. Hickering reveals they had to catch a Bengal tiger the same way, although in that case they had to dig deeper and use the Commanding Officer’s pet dog as bait.
Oh yeah, and they look at the black guy as bait. Of course, Bobby is completely against this idea and for good reason. Sam then says he will do it since Jack is after him. So everyone else is in a damn man made fort.
So the plan goes into motion and it works as Jack falls into the pit.
Unfortunately, as is the rules with most sequels, the way to kill them in the first film doesn’t kill him in the second so the anti-freeze doesn’t work.
They then try the super soakers filled with anti-freeze, but yes….it doesn’t work. They wonder why it isn’t working and Jack says that he is new and improved. Jack is about to explain the dangers of unregulated genetic experimentation when suddenly, he starts puking because of the anti-freeze.
Jack runs away as everyone runs inside with some dumbasses grabbing that puked snowball.
And now somehow, Manners is in the woods looking for Jack with his squirt gun even though we just saw a scene earlier where that didn’t work.
Back in the house, everyone just looks at the snowball.
Joe thinks it is just an ordinary snowball while Anne asks then why it hasn’t melted in 15 minutes. Sam is still insistent that anti-freeze will kill Jack Frost, basically he has become catatonic. But suddenly snowball hatches and reveals a mini-snowman.
Captain Fun thinks it is so cute and when everyone thinks they should get rid of it, the Fun bastard says it is fine. He even thinks it is even cuter when it calls him “dadda”. Fortunately for all of us, it then says “Kill Dadda” and attacks Captain Fun, killing him.
Everyone runs around and then we get CGI mini-snowman.
Anne eventually catches it in a blender and tries to blend it.
So the humans keep thinking about ways to kill it while the snowbaby keeps protesting.
Back to Manners as he heads to the shed. But it is surrounded by more snowbabies and he is killed by them.
The people inside then try to kill it with a waffle iron, Anne then decides that they need to put them all in containers and goes out in a ridiculous outfit.
Joe and Hickering join her.
Oh and they decide to split up.
Of course, plenty of them are at the bar having fun.
Meanwhile inside, Sam is still catatonic in thinking that anti-freeze will kill Jack. Marla threatens to kill Sam herself if he speaks of anti-freeze again. Meanwhile, Joe goes into a room and hold on…
Since that shadow situation is never brought up again and the snowbaby came from the tree, someone’s dumbass was in the shot and for some reason, they kept it in the film. Joe uses his vacuum to catch the creature and sticks it in the vacuum.
He then uses the blow to put the critter in a jar.
In the woods, Hickering does not fare as well as Joe as despite all his talk if how great he was in India, he is older now and luckily, he is able to get away.
Meanwhile, Anne finds a bunch of survivors who all just immediately get killed.
It seems Anne is truly in deep trouble when she throws some drink from a mixer onto a snowbaby which blows it up.
The snowbabies realize they are in trouble and they run. Anne goes inside and asks Bobby what was inside the drink she splashed on him. After a few arguments, they find out that since Jack and Sam are linked by blood, then that banana allergy may be shared by both so bananas is the way to kill the snowbabies and Jack Frost. Marla has the perfect reaction to this.
They get a banana and try it first out on one of the captured babies in the mixer, which does kill it. So yes, bananas is the weakness that wins the day this time.
So they stock up on banana juice and it is time for the deaths of snowbabies.
This Whole Montage Of Snowbaby Slaughter Is Done With Background Music Of “Taps” A Song That Would Be Played At A Soldier’s Funeral. I Wish I Was Joking. So Let’s Use This Line From Apocalypse Now.
One of the snowbabies is able to get away so he can die in Jack Frost’s arms and Jack Frost sheds a tear.
So now Jack Frost is angry and he goes after the survivors. First it goes after Hickering and Bobby, who talk about hosing the whole place down and reopening in a week. Basically, they wanted to cover the whole thing up.
Marla realizes that it is after midnight and today is her and Joe’s wedding day. They have a tender moment before Jack comes in with a great line.
The two run and hide in the freezer.
Jack then says this to Anne.
Jack Frost: I rode into town to find the bitch who killed my family!!!
Jack then traps Anne in a snow box he created.
With this ability to close in and the ability to create ice spikes inside the box, Jack puts Anne inside him.
Sam finally comes in and kills Jack.
Oh and Anne still lived as she was able to be found in the ooze that was Jack’s remains.
That then ends the movie as credits come on, but we have two extra scenes after.
One Where The Supply Ship Helmed By Badly Dubbed Japanese Actors Gets Destroyed By A Giant Carrot, Trying To Tease A Sequel That Thankfully Never Occurred.
And A Scene Where Marla And Joe Were Never Let Out Of The Freezer And Froze To Death In It. I Know They Deserved To Die, But That Really Tells You Sam And Anne Are Really Terrible Friends.
While I did say that I was thankful that a sequel did not occur and never will, I am not sad for the reason as Christopher Allport, who played the lead character Sam (and really the only person Jack would want vengeance on), died in 2008 when three avalanches (sick irony, I know) happened near Mountain High ski resort in Wightwood, San Bernardino County, California. He was at the time playing the father of Pete Campbell in Mad Men so they had his character killed off-screen in a plane crash and dedicated the episode in his memory.
This would be Eileen Seeley’s last film (she played Anne) as she retired from acting. Marsha Clark (who played Marla) would become a voice actress and her biggest claim to fame is being an old lady from the Himawari House who was formerly a career woman named Kayo in Ponyo. Scott McDonald (who was the voice of Jack Frost) would also become a voice actor, but he is most known for being D.I. Fitch in 2005’s Jarhead. Tai Bennett (who played Bobby) went on to be Robert Marley, a drug dealer who pretends to be Jamaican in John Dies At The End. Vanessa Marshall (who played the woman of the couple that saw Ashlea’s dead body and was paid off by Hickering not to talk about it) would also go into voice acting and would be the voice actress of Olga Gurlukovich in Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons Of Liberty as well as Irwin in The Grim Adventures of Billy And Mandy. She is currently Hera Syndulla in Star Wars: Rebels and Gamora in the Guardians of the Galaxy cartoon, which is on the Disney Channel. Ian Abercrombie (who played the psychiatrist) would go on to mostly be a voice actor before his death in 2002 at the age of 77 from kidney failure.
I honestly do not like the sequel as I find it very disappointing to the original. The film quality isn’t as good as the original and the characters from the first one (except Jack) are made to look like complete morons while the new characters are also morons (and don’t get me started on Captain Fun). The effects are hit and miss with the practical effects being good for the most part and the CG effects being so bad they are extremely noticeable. I understand that the first one could be seen as a comedy at times, but for the most part played it straight. This one goes too far into comedy territory that the jokes just fall flat on their face, including Marla not believing it is Jack Frost until Sam has to explain sarcastically that it must be another mutant snowman. Oh and the way they kill him sucks badly. Anti-freeze in the first one makes all the sense in the world, but you had to pull something out of your ass to have bananas…fucking bananas be the weakness this time. It’s a terrible movie and a film I very much would rather have no connection to the first film. In fact, just go watch the first one again as it has been riffed by the guys on Rifftrax (that riff seriously debuted a day before this induction ironically) although you will have to go to Youtube to find the Shannon Elizabeth death scene in full as Rifftrax severely edits that scene.
Now with this year coming to a close and three teams still in play for the Fantasy Football Bet (I lost it already and NegaSeth could have won this week so I enjoyed his team failing at the end, even though he is still technically alive), I will see you soon in 2018 when we go over the crap that came out that year as well as other terrible movies. So for now, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, Have A Festivus for the rest of us, because no matter what holiday you celebrate....you will all the same ending to my holiday and greeting and that is...
*Shoots you dead* ...You Filthy Animals *shoots* And A Happy New Year *final shot*
*Shoots you dead* ...You Filthy Animals *shoots* And A Happy New Year *final shot*